First of all, look at this picture. I'm either trying (unsuccessfully) to look charming, or I'm about to be sick.

Why you may want to hang out with me:

I hardly ever lie, and I never cheat. I believe in true love, but I don't think light speed is a constant. I'll listen to you when you talk to me, and I guarantee I'll pay attention 74% of the time. I'll be there for you when you need advice, and get the hell out of the way when you need to rant.

I also promise not to steal your stereo and sell it for shrooms. That is my solemn vow.


Sort of what I'm looking for in a woman:

You must have a survival plan in case there is a zombie plague. This is vital. Although this requirement is the the type of thing that will guarantee my being alone for the rest of my life (but when the dead start walking, you'll all wish you'd listened to me).

Otherwise...

An intelligent, witty smart-ass. Opinionated, cynical, strong willed, and slightly bitter. Although she must have a heart of gold, and not one made of brass or iron sulfide. Someone who can maintain their compassion for their fellow man, even knowing that their fellow man will likely screw them over at the first available opportunity.
An appreciation for (or tolerance of) my love of horror films is a plus.

If you have some hidden crazy in you, let me know ahead of time. That won't stop me from hanging out with you, I just like to know what to expect when the crazy takes over.

An aside: To those of you who noticed I had initially misspelled "intelligent" but did not rub my face in the irony, I salute you for your discretion.

Another aside: Assuming that the subjects in the "interests" section become links only when other profiles cite them as interests as well, I refuse to accept that no one else is interested in the Kleptones. This forces me to use an emoticon :(

Dinner is always good. Yes, it's stressful, and awkward, and you might get food in your teeth, but honestly there's no better way to get to know a person than by chatting with them over a nice grilled chicken. Unless you want to travel to another country with them for a week. You'll learn a lot about a person then, but that's a little out of my price range for a first date.