| | Dear Abby:
I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.
My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Jersey City.
I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his three children.
I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.
My problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my uncle who voted for Bush?
Signed, Worried About My Reputation
Yes but political humor aside, I root for the underdog. When I was a kid, I always used to try and help the kids that were being picked on by bullies. I still do. I listen well. I enjoy adventure. I rarely get mad. I strive for balance in life. I'm sort of a artist, musician, athlete, scholar, scientist, entrepreneur type.
I'm looking for a smart, optimistic, fun, athletic, easy going, outside the box type who just maybe gets the joke. |
