hmm... the green and red text above this field has a list of features an ad should have. I'll assume there's a lot of split-testing and analytics behind that.

Better than starting with some bullsh*t about not knowing how to sum myself up in one paragraph.

Alright, let the well-written personal ad begin!

People will read both your profile AND message when deciding if they should write
back to you. If your profile is really lame it won't matter how good your message is.

No matter what I try, my profile will be very lame. So very, very lame.

If you want to be successful and not waste your time do this.

I DO want to be successful and not waste my time. Sexcellent!

1. Talk about your hobbies.

Damn. Too many to list here. How about I lie and say "I into body mutilation and fire give me call cuz it make me hot?" Or "Straight, white couple with gingivitis, very hairy, seek sumo wrestler couple with large toothless male dog for experimentation into removable glass eyes with bananas and q-tips?"

Actually, my job is my hobby, and I'm not sick of it yet!

2. Talk about your goals/aspirations

Continuing to be gainfully employed for another 20 or 30 years. Then I either retire or die. So far so good!

In the meantime, I'd like to meet some new friends and/or playmates. Dating isn't out of the question, but last time I tried that I was stupid and forgot to issue an ethics test. They were pernicious, and left me butthurt. Woops. I'm bound to be choosy.

3. Talk about youself and what makes you unique.

I, and I alone, have my particular combination of blog subscriptions in google reader!

Seriously, wth kind of question is this?

I'm an eccentric, a chubby chaser, a math geek, a cynic, an atheist, a degree-holder, a programmer, etc. I don't play video games but I like penny arcade and zero punctuation. But that's only 9 things; so, assuming an even distribution, that's one in 512, meaning there's about ten million of me on Earth.

What your interests are won't really matter to me, as long as you have them, and you like to talk about them. Talking about the weather and being "polite" won't carry me very far.

I'm also one of those people who hates almost everyone, but doesn't want any of them to get hurt. It gets reeeeely annoying sometimes, so I donate to charities as a way of quietly influencing policy.

For example, I'm willing to drop a hundred bucks on the antivax/pro-death movement, if I get some guarantee that my money will help promote the activities of stupid parents shrilly demanding the right to commit negligent homicide on their newborn babies. So far, however, none of the pro-death idiots I've met have gotten past the "lol, me" phase when I ask them directly for a donate link. Makes me sad. :( I really want stupid people to self-select from the gene pool with as much glee as possible.

4. Your taste in music.

Sardonic, weird music, usually with at least one F-bomb in it. I'm not obsessive about music, so let's stretch this question to all media:

Movie-wise I'm into hard SF. Despite having Wesley Crusher in it, I'm into the new Stargate series. I also like social bookmarking sites like oursignal, reddit, digg and hackernews.

Message me and find out.

Doesn't have to be pricey, as long as it's fun. For example, want to go to the Costco food court for pulled meat sandwiches? Okay! Bowling? You betcha! Flea markets? You had me at "flea!"