Women on the internet are like a buffet. You can have as much as you want, and none of it's any good.

Ladies Love Outlaws
Like babies love stray dogs
Ladies touch babies like a banker touches gold Outlaws touch ladies somewhere deep down in their soul.

This one goes out to all the dames who refer to themselves as the "girl next door" tell me, what if you live beside a whore house or a strip club?

Hey you know what would be neat? A makeup artist in this city who didn't look like a tranny.

I was just thinking about how lame it is when gals put in their profiles that they only joined the site cause a friend made them, here's what I see when I read that. A) your friends have too much control of your life, and B), I don't really wanna be here, let's chat! Foolishness.

I'm a huge fan of outlaw country music, this puts me in the very slim minority, although it is fairly hip to dig Johnny Cash, it sorta hurts my heart that Waylon Jennings and David Allan Coe and others fall under the hipster radar. On the other side, at least they haven't corrupted everything I enjoy.

"There's two bulls standing on top of a mountain. The younger one says to the older one: "Hey pop, let's say we run down there and eff one of them cows". The older one says: "No son. Lets walk down and eff 'em all"."

Sarcasm is the protest of people who are weak.

I was just thinking, there are plenty of gals on this site who say they're looking for guys to be funny or men who can make them laugh or smile. My question is, can you do the same for me? I know I'm fairly humorous, but what do you bring to the table? If you want funny, you better be able to make me chuckle, maybe even grin, I'll even accept a smirk. However if you can't do so, then maybe you should reconsider what you ask of others.

Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

What's up with all the different variations of Bella as a name on here?

No coffee.