Divorced Male PEA,NO children, looking for a Female PEA to complete new Pod. Someone who doesn't refer to her ex as the "a-hole", can to talk about the downs as well as the ups and PONDER with me while we roast marshmallows on the stove and harmonize MOTOWN songs.

I could write all the same C-R-A-P that everyone else writes about my wonderful life, job and chXXXren, how I can't wait to meet my match for a romatic dinner while we gaze into each others eyes, and PONDER our lifes dreams,...but I wouldn't be interested in a woman who cared about "that" stuff! If it all was so great, neither of us would be on POF!

I wanna know the important stuff: -Why HOT DOGS come in 6 packs, and HOT DOG ROLLS come in 8 packs,-Why Jello "gels",-Why we park on Driveways, and we drive on Parkways,-What's the difference between Baking POWDER/SODA,(Do I need to know?)-How come mirrors reverse LEFT and RIGHT, but not UP and DOWN?,-Who was the first person to say" See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt",-Why is there a light in the fridge, but not in the freezer?,-If Wile E. Coyote had all that money to buy all that "ACME" crap, how come he just didn't BUY dinner?.-Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star have the same tune?,...now stop humming and answer this...-Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? -How come 9/10's of Nordstroms and Adult Stores are devoted to womens needs? Who decided "J" and "X" should be 8 pts, and "K" only 5? How come the more bigger ones are DD's and not E's?
I know where Whale oil comes from. I know where Olive oil comes from....I really want to know is where Baby Oil comes from! This one really gets to me......What the hell is Daylight Savings Time? How do you save it and does it earn interest? If it is such a good idea, how come no one can make up their mind about staying on it or off it?. We go on, we go off, we go on, we go off. How many clocks do you stare at twice a year? huh? -If they can grow watermelons that are square, how come they can't grow them with handles?,-Where does all the rubber that wears off car tires go to?, -If you didn't pick your nose, wouldn't you eventually suffocate? Why can't women land the vehicle somewhere between the white lines?

I know where the G-spot is, but what happened to A thru F?. What happened to Preparations A-G? I can cook. (in multiple rooms) I'll make dinner any time you ask, and you'll know when it is ready cause you'll hear the smoke detectors. If you call from work and ask me to put the roast in the oven, and you'll also know when it's ready, as you'll see the pretty RED trucks with the flashing lights in the driveway when you pull up.

I make a mean Chocolate Pudding...some call it MY-T-FINE...I do, and IT is. I label Blintzes so that you can tell which ones are cheese and which ones are potato"e"...(I use a Magic marker!...One stripe for Cheese, two for potato"e". (Apple and blueberry don't need labels because they ooze.

You think you can cook better than me, fine! I'll set the table and later throw out the plates. I fold my socks the way my mom used to. It ain't a good way, but I do it anyway. I don't do any other laundry, I buy new stuff.

I'll mow the lawn, and wash and fill your car with fuel. Your kids pull the weeds. You vacuum the carpet (neat rows please). We all take equal credit for a nice crib when your mom comes over. (Tell her I said "HI")

"Dogs" sleep on one side. "I" sleep on the other. "You" sleep in the middle and we all keep you warm. If you get up in the middle of the night, you can take them out because they are on "YOUR" side, and they love "YOU" more. When we fool around, we send them to the kid's rooms and tell them we are discussing a family vacation to Disneyland or Aruba. (They wonder why we do so much "planning" and never actually go..."YOU" explain it to them).

I will love your chXXXren as if they are my own.(I had a vasectomy). I will help them do their homework. We can show them what a clean, neat room looks like (I have flash cards from the '50's and 20 episodes of Ozzie & Harriet on tape. Anything below a 3.5 avg. in school, I lock up their KEY boards, SKATE boards, SNOW boards, BOOGIE boards, EMERY boards (and any other BOARDS they got!) They can get them back when they pass their COLLEGE Boards (or later when their spouses redeem them and take their IPODS, backpacks, and their OZZFEST posters). Then we can make their rooms into a home office and a love pit. (Lava lamps, Bean bags, Black lights, Water bed and JIMI HENDRIX and JANICE posters).

I love to travel...Hate to Fly, Drive or Sail. Looking forward to the next season of LOST, seeing if Denny Crane is going to get a cure for MAD COW, and will they finally take Wisteria Lane off the map?. I hate Oprah, think Judge Judy should be castrated, (BTW, she was the first one to duck under her desk in the recent Calif. Quake!)I miss Romper Room, Godzilla, Abbott and Costello, the Road Runner, Johnny Carson, Ted Koppel and Tony Soprano.

I love animals, and wish I was a vegetarian. I am Jewish guy who loves bacon. (Yes I am a hypocrite, and I expect you to respect that). I love intimacy, and I am not into disposable relationships or superficial people. If you are looking for a casual date, I ain't it. I like to joke, but I take my relationships seriously. I don't drink and don't know anything about Fruit Wine but my Jewish heritage has educated me on Jewish Whine.

Only a few NON-NEGOTIABLES: No SMOKERS, GEMINI'S, ATTORNEYS, MANHATTANITES, "COATS that had parents", IMPLANTS (prefer the sag to the bag), and No INK! (prefer blank canvas). "EVERYTHING ELSE" is completely NEGOTIABLE.

I am a straight shooter, (equipment works flawlessly). Still willing to take chances. Know when it is right, (and I'll know it quickly). I know how to say "I am sorry". (you will of course not mention that to anyone), I will "always" forget your birthday, but, I will show you I adore you every day that "isn't" your Birthday. If you know the words to "Louie, Louie", can sing "Ba Ba Ba Ba Barbara...Ann", like to cuddle to James Taylor and cruise to SANTANA you earn extra points. So if you haven't found your MATCH, or someone you have CHEMISTRY with, or are just not in HARMONY with anyone, and you think you can "WOW" me, start hitting your KEYBOARD!

BONUS:...If there is one woman who can write an ORIGINAL PROFILE and: DOES NOT LOVE LONG WALKS ON THE BEACH, THINK HER CHILDREN ARE THE BEST THINGS THAT EVER HAPPENED TO HER, DOESN"T LOOK GREAT IN EVERYTHING FROM JEANS TO A LITTLE BLACK DRESS, I'll marry her on the SPOT!