Hi! My name is Jeff, and if I was a douche, this is where I'd tell you about my job, my living arrangements, my career, and my car... but I don't think any of that really matters to a prospective date. I can carry on an interesting and funny conversation, and I'm hung like an Orca whale.

Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating about one of those things.

I don't take these internet dating websites TOO seriously. I'm serious about meeting someone cool, but this isn't a resume for a job... let's have fun with it!

I'm single. I have no baggage, no ex drama, I don't have panic attacks (seems like the cool thing to do lately), I can pass a drug test, no criminal record, no kids, no bullsh*t.

I disregard social norms, oppose most authority, enjoy awkward social situations and uncomfortable silences, indulge in most whims, and generally have more fun than is safe or reasonable.

I am a gentleman that knows how to treat a lady -- you will always feel special, safe, and comfortable when you're with me.

My interests are widely varied and cover things spanning from rock concerts, to wine tastings. If you get to know me, I'm full of surprises (the good kind, not that kind that gives you a rash lol) and I am always looking for people to try new things with.

I have no problems being serious when it's necessary.

I've got piercings (eyebrow, septum, ears, tongue, etc...) and facial hair. It's a part of who I am.

In fourth grade I learned the differences between "there, they're, their, your, you're, its, and it's" And I bet you did, too.

I usually listen to rock/metal/punk/alt, but my itunes has 60k songs... sooo...

I have the attention span of an autistic 6 year old, and the memory of a 120 year old alzheimer's patient.

I'm not good at making plans, because they always change. And if things work out, I change the plans anyways because being predictible sucks.

I'm really good at being sarcastic, and keeping a perfectly straight face.

Don't confuse my sarcasm and cynicism for pessimism. I'm one of the most cheerful, hard working, and optimistic people you'll ever meet.

if u snd me a msg typin like dis, n u ask me to holla bak atcha gurl, i will read ur profil, s33k out all ur bigg3st insecuriti3s, n snd u a email dat wud prolly make u cut ur wrists wif a knife.

If you have pictures of your tits hanging out all over the place, or your pants halfway off, or they're from 3 years 2 kids and 100 pounds ago, don't message me. If your looks are the only thing you have to offer, I'm not interested - don't worry, there are plenty of other guys on here that will pay attention to you.

I don't want to sound mean. I don't like to offend anybody, but if I do, I'm over it... I'm not for everyone. I only expect the same things that I offer in return, so I don't think I'm asking too much from anyone.





****You should probably message me if:****

My profile made you laugh, and you realize that there is no possible way for either of us to quantify our awesomeoness on this stupid website.

You weigh less than a diesel-electric locomotive.

One of your nicknames isn't "mommy".

Only your smile and/or laughter is contagious.

You like to have fun, and laugh. Until it hurts.

Drinking hard liquor and operating heavy machinery.