So I was doing some self reflection in order to figure out some things to put on this site. I realized some pretty unpleasant things and did what any logical person would do: hurriedly got piss drunk. I sobered up then realized my opinion may be a little biased. So I told some male and female friends I was signing up for a dating website and asked them to describe me.

Here are a few excerpts

"I feel sorry for anyone you actually meet through that site", "You are an ***hole", "Maybe you will actually meet someone who is not completely out of her mind.", "Where the hell is the money you owe me", "I think you are a good guy behind a rough exterior", "You are absolutely hilarious and can always count on you to say inappropriate things in almost any situation", "Are you just trying to have sex with lots of different girls", "You are very sweet in your own unique and special way", "You know that restraining order is still in effect so stop calling me"

My Date

Looks - Looks are not everything but its a good place to start. You must be decent looking. I really don't care whether you are the cute girl next door type or drop dead gorgeous where men follow you home and cars wreck as you walk by. If you are unsure of whether you fit this criteria just take a trip down memory lane. Did your parents make you go play in the shed when guests came over, has anyone ever yelled "baaby Ruuth" when you walked by, have you ever been to a haunted house and got handed an job application. If anything like this has happened in your life you are probably ugly.

Smarts - Whats important to me in regards to this area is being able to contribute to a conversation that does not involve shoes, purses, or Britney Spears latest manic episode. I am also amazed at how many people I have talked to that have absolutely no grasp for sarcasm. I walked up to a group of girls who were having about as much fun as a paraplegic in the 40 yard dash, and said "Wow you guys are the life of the party, I walked all the way over from the other end of the bar you all look like you are having so much fun" and what is the first response I get. Girl - "we just got back from the mall" and that is it. Nothing else. I was completely silenced. I was expecting something along the lines of "yeah we are insane" or maybe a little explanation but no "we just got back from the mall" Are you kidding me. If you feel you can relate to the girl in this story then we probably will not be able to have an effective conversation on any level whatsoever.

Fun - Yes I am looking for someone fun to hang around. Really most people who don't hate life can fit into this category. Emo's, complainers, religious nuts, and people who can't take a joke are not fun.

Coddling/Pampering - I like to be coddled and pampered and of course I am usually willing to return the favor. Massages, home cooked meals, caring for me when I am sick/hungover. There is nothing more romantic than waking up to your girl mixing up a batch of Alka-Seltzer in her bra and panties because the previous night you drank yourself into a drunken stupor.

The After Effect. Would you make me scrambled eggs in the morning?

Its like I let my guard down with all these women that treat me like I am nothing more then a piece of man meat. You wouldn't know what its like to dress up all sexy like thinking you are going to meet the one then run into all these nymphos and cougars who just want to have hot crazy monkey sex with you then leave the next day without even cooking you breakfast. WHERE ARE MY ****ING SCRAMBLED EGGS. I feel so vulnerable inside.