Where to begin? I was born and raised in a town of a bygone era in America on a farm, at least I think so. My mother tortured me until I was 6 years old psychologically by telling me I was really found under a cabbage plant in the garden. Looking at cabbage rolls today bring tears to my eyes. I moved from a completely and utterly rural area to a large metropolitan area at age 18. Unable to make it as a high priced male whore I turned to computers. Over the years I have adapted to my environment. I actually prefer it here now but only after I drink a fifth of scotch and take a psychotropic drug on a daily basis.

I have excelled at my current job and any one I have ever had. Last year I was the one employee voted "Most likely to go on a homicidal rampage!" People listen to me, children fear me, animal hide from me. Carrying a 100 decibel megaphone will have that effect on living organisms. Unfortunately it's sound vibrations liquefied my fleas so I no longer have an active flea circus. It is tough to beg for money when all you have is a blind, hydrocephalus spider monkey with a peg leg named Mr. Boppo that also suffers from incontinence. Needless to say I am starving!

I am large and muscular and that I love to laugh, boisterously. Get me to laugh and you have made a friend. Pull a knife on me however and I will have to give you all my cash, that is all I have on me, no really... That's it...

You should contact me if you wish to talk about anything but the subversive overthrow of our government by black squirrels. I believe there is already a website devoted to that and terrorist weasels.

Six things I could not do without:
1. Comfortable underwear 2. Polka music 3. Love of Friends (Those I do not have to pay for) 4. Stimulating conversation that cause my underwear to catapult across the room! 5. Laughter 6. Lime Jello, very hard to find.

My type of date: An interaction (activity) that precludes interruption and distraction and concentrates upon conversational interaction. Humor is a MUST! If you have a sense of humor I will positively, invariably enjoy our date. So an activity that involves TALKING and getting to disclose aspects of ourselves.