(Heads up: I am a native Rhode Islander that just moved back this November after living in Wayne's World, Illinois for 11 regrettable years - the result of a stupid corporate move. Or to put it another way, my old nickname was "Mister Rhode Island" because I have long been such an effusive booster of the region. My veins course with salt water and Del's Lemonade.)

LIFE GOAL #1: Buy some better fabric softener.
LIFE GOAL #2: Finally remember to add fabric softner during the appropriate wash cycle.
MY FRIENDS SAY: "Seriously dude, stop calling this number. I'm telling you for the last time - I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND!"
I HAVE GOOD LUCK WITH: Check-out lines at the supermarket. It's been years since I've been stuck behind an old lady trying to use Brand A coupons for Brand B products. I am on a serious roll.
THE THING YOU WOULD NOTICE MOST ABOUT ME: My rash from too much fabric softener.
THE THING YOU WOULD NOTICE NEXT ABOUT ME: That I cannot stop scratching.
IF I FOUND A WALLET ON THE STREET: Are you kidding? Who has that luck? Ask me if I've found a soiled condom on the street.
IF I COULD HAVE THREE WISHES: More wishes, good health for all my friends and family, world peace.
I AM REALLY BOTHERED BY: Leaf blowers on Sunday morning at 7 a.m. in the hands of over-zealous landscapers.
IF I COULD DO IT OVER I WOULD: I would have a serious talk with the guy/gal who had just invented leafblowers and warn him/her what he/she is about to unleash upon the world.
I LAUGH WHEN: I beat my 104 -year-old grandmother at Yahtzee. In fact, I climb up on a chair, hovering over all 4'-6" of her while berating her with phrases like, "You are soooooo old, sooooooo ancient. You are no match for youth. Move over old woman, 'cause a young Yahtzee buck is in town and he is taking out the trash."
THERE IS NOTHING QUITE LIKE: Dispensing Pez in zero-gravity.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED: My cats have Stockholm Syndrome.

As for my match, I don't lie about my age and marital status, nor use bogus, misrepresentative photos (none older than three years, half are within the past six months), nor list activities of which I have never done, nor care to do, so you shouldn't either. And puleeeeeeaze, no contrarians nor fanatics.

You will impress me if you are honest, tender, warm, humorous, adapt well in social situations, are polite to strangers and have a sincere interest in outdoor activities and adventures.

Do I have a serious side? Yes. Community activism, politics, charity, deep philosophical discussion, goals, ambitions, asthetics, and other good stuff. And if you want to find out more about that, let's get a correspondence going.

THIS IS IMPORTANT, SERIOUSLY: Since joining here, I have noticed that most members love the emailing, then vanish when I suggest talking or meeting. So I finally confronted one such woman recently and she responded that she had "learned not to put too much faith into the people (she) encounter(s)," i.e., she was OK with a bunch of emailing, but the idea of actually meeting or even speaking with a guy was out of the question because of her previous, negative experiences with guys. If this is your attitude, if you are just here to play games, if you are not sincerely looking for a real living, breathing relationship here, DO NOT ENGAGE IN CORRESPONDENCE WITH ME. I am not a "bed-hopper" as she incorrectly presumed, I am too mature for headgames and ego-stroking, and you should be too. Empathy, empathy, empathy.

P.S. - I have cats, so if you are allergic...

Dinner, coffee, tea - a chance to feel each other out. Picnics in public places are fine, too. But some of the best first dates I have had involved something going wrong, some adversity, stuff you cannot plan. Back in the day when I was a poor college student driving my rusted-out '67 Beetle on a first date my the engine died in the pouring rain. My date's sister had to pick us up and take us back to my date's house so she could get her car. It was so pitifully funny that the rest of the night was a breeze and we had a great time, which at least made up for some punk stealing my boogie box and about 100 tape cassettes from my car where it was parked in a store parking lot.