1. My name is Steffanie, if you can't figure that out, not interested.
2. I won't get mad if you want to invite your buds over for the Eagles game.
3. I'd even watch the game!
4. But I'd rather watch a Flyers game.
5. Yes, that's really me in the photos, most were taken last year, not ten years ago.
6. I didn't lie about my age, you won't be disappointed.
7. I'd rather leave the sex talk till after I've known you for a decent amount of time. That means, please don't email me and ask me what kind of undies I'm wearing... Like I said, you won't be disappointed..
8. I am a hockey NUT!
9. I went to 115 hockey games during the 2007-2008 season.
10. Last year I toned it back to 100 games.
11. I have season tickets to the Philadelphia Flyers, so you Devils fans need not apply. haha.
12. My son has Boy Scouts on Thursday nights, looking for someone that might be interested in his ticket...
13. I also have season tickets to the Reading Royals.
14. I have a great job.
15. I don't live with my parents, but if you do, that's more beer money, right?
16. I own my own home.
17. Some day I'd love to see Alaska, Australia, and the Great Wall of China.
18. I've been divorced for 10 years, the baggage is looooooong gone.
19. I have a driver's license.
20. I can sign the national anthem in sign language.
21. I have my own car.
22. I don't eat my vegetables.
23. I think Jon was cuter than Ponch.
24. I'm not looking for a Green Card.
25. Ernie was my favorite character on Sesame Street.
26. I love classic cars, especially muscle cars, but I drive a Honda (go figure)..
27. I enjoy mountain bike riding.
28. Down-to-Earth is my middle name.
29. I'm not a high-maintenance chick.
30. I have a 12 year old son.
31. I'd rather spend a day hiking in the mountains, than baking on the beach, but boating is fun.
32. I love to eat that orange and vanilla ice cream on the boardwalk.
33. I love to go to Dave and Busters on a date and run around a play games like a kid.
34. I don't have any tattoos or piercing, if you were wondering, but if you do, that's cool... they're permanent.
35. I don't think I'm all that, I always make time to answer emails, even if it's just a polite thank you but no....
36. I prefer guys that are 5'9'' or taller (but that's not written in stone), so I can wear heels and show off my legs, can you blame me?.. I've got great legs.
37. I only respond to profiles with a photo, like what are you hiding, or more likely, who are you hiding from???
38. Not interested in 'separated' either. In case you didn't realize: YOU ARE STILL MARRIED.
39. Did I mention that I was a hockey nut?

I'm hoping to find someone that thinks women that love sports ROCK, especially hockey chicks that aren't 300 pounds. I'm hoping that you'll want to go with me when you can, and when you can't, wish you could be with me...

I'm looking for someone who has a job, but doesn't work 70 hours a week. Someone that has a driver's license, but doesn't live more than about an hour's drive away. (sorry, no offense to you guys in Canada... I know you love your hockey up there, but just too far of a commute to work).. I prefer men that are the same race and ethnicity as me, and no more than about ten years older than me(give or take), life is complicated enough.

Thanks for looking and reading this far. I hope to hear from you.

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking -ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - b i t c h
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in gas and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a baseball bat shoved up his butt.

This last part is only a joke, and I reckon if you can't see that, then I guess you'd better not contact me.