Too much to do, too little time to play. The Wench Has Left The Building. Enjoy yourselves and be safe. Daughter having surgery, mom having issues. Life is a marathon!

***IMPORTANT*** Don't troll Yahoo! or other chat programs and add me as a friend without my previous consent. I barely have time to breathe, let alone chat with people I don't know...and to the a$$hole who added me and then got offended when I didn't accept his invite on one particular chat program (and called ME a DA and told me to do ugly things to myself), you must have a tiny little penis (maybe even just a head) if your feelings get hurt THAT easily, you are an ill-mannered PIG, and your mother would be ashamed; assuming, of course, that you didn't crawl out from under a rock. By the way, your spelling is atrocious (do you even know what THAT means?)

Cut to the chase: I'm a single mother with legs up to there and an IQ hovering in the 150s (154 to be exact -- at last testing). IQ tests are subjective at best, but I CAN walk and chew gum at the same time. Bent, but not broken; fractured, but not shattered. Let's face it. We all have scars. My largest scars are the ones from my wing excision in my previous life as an angel. If I wanted drama, I would join a theater group. So, please spare me your sob stories, and I will spare you mine.

PLEASE, if you're married or looking for cybersex, click off (smirk). I'm looking for unencumbered.

A further irritation: If you claim to be a member of a brain trust, but lack the energy/ability to conjugate verbs, capitalize proper nouns, spell, or you otherwise engage in the murder of the King's English, or if I have to use a Rosetta stone to decipher your e-mail, I probably won't reply. This is a best-foot-forward scenario; if your best foot is "in your mouth," and you take shortcuts such as U for you, mite for might, UR for your, or the apostrophe is missing from your keyboard, we wouldn't get along. I'm not a snob. I AM interested in those whose mails don't give me a migraine, and unsolicited snarks from Neanderthals thrill me not. It's really THIS simple: If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. Nobody asked you for comments and nobody cares. If I stirred your ire or irked you, trust me...it was semi-orgasmic for me :)

Cool if you're a dad. I'm a mom; I know. But, I no more want the little woman coming after me with a butcher knife than you would want me to roast your pet bunny. And the other thing...sexually explicit e-mails right out of the chute will be deleted immediately. The tagline, while true, was meant for humor. I'm a wee bit more complex than that.

I'm not looking for a daddy, daddy wannabe, sugar daddy or any other form of daddy. I'm not looking for a knight in shining armour. Tarnished a bit is cool. I am not going to apologize for who I am nor would I expect you to apologize. I am also not looking for my "next" ex-husband. I am looking for a man who thinks both on his feet and off his feet (smirk) for friends first and whatever might come next. I work way too much, play way too little and am looking to change that pattern. I can either be a very good friend or a very worthy adversary, and I CAN (and do openly admit it) be a *itch, but only when my buttons are pushed :).

I just got a new T-shirt -- "The Morning After Shirt." I'm looking for someone who will inspire me to buy a shirt that says, "The Night BEFORE The Morning After." A more accurate description of me follows. Who knows? You can't be first, but you might be next (smirk). Up for a challenge?

(M. Brooks)

I'm a *itch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

I'm a *itch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

I am a card-carrying member of the Wench's Guild. A few of the pre-certification questions for my membership are listed below, and I was required to answer at least 3 of these questions with a "yes" before my admittance to "the guild." I will leave the mystery as to which 3 questions I answered affirmatively to your very vivid imagination. *You have been warned.*

Do men require an "adjustment" after kissing you?
Is your tongue registered as a precision surgical instrument?
Have you been accused of smuggling melons across state lines?
Do you really know what a sponge is for?
Was "Soak a Bloke" considered your time off?
Do you think it's wise to use ice cubes and menthol together?
Is whipped cream more than just a dessert topping?
Do men lose the power of speech when you adjust your bodice, breathe deeply or cross and uncross your legs?
Are you vertically challenged but horizontally gifted?
Do you like to play with your food?
Do you own at least 1 merry widow, 1 pair of black thigh-high stockings, a camisole, tap pants, and several pairs of 3-inch heels?

There's a picture on my profile of me and a former significant other. I chopped off his head and put on Johnny Depp's, but don't let that scare you too badly. Truth be told, it really was "the kindest cut of all."

Meet, do the mating dance, see if there is anything in common. If there is, it could be one of those late-night or all-day things. I AM flexible and that's just one of my charms ;-)

Age between 40 and 99
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter