BEFORE EMAILING ME:Yes, I wrote a novel, but tried to make it entertaining!
NO PICTURES- NO RESPONSE!! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING???? (and pass criminal background) Also, please have 2 or more pictures since we know how some like to put "professional shots" on here of what they look like after the brush up or being Photo Shopped!!!(females are guilty too) I know my profile is LONG, but I've been on here for a long time and keep adding to it for your entertainment. hehe. You may want to copy and paste some things for your own profile, as it may help some women from wasting their time writing you.
If you try to send me your m y s p a c e, please note, it will replace it with the word S P A M automatically. I've actually had a guy respond with "Are you hungry" because I asked "Do you have a S P A M?"


IF I DON'T REPLY
If I don't respond, then I'm probably not interested. I mean is there really a NICE way of saying... NO THANKS?? You're a really nice guy (after reading ONLY your profile about you) but you're just not my type... I mean come on.

PLEASE DON'T GET MAD/OFFENDED!
I feel that this portion is almost like a resume, but you are not applying for a job, but to see if you qualify to that other person. SELL ME!!
My perspective is to BE BLUNT AND HONEST, otherwise I will be misleading you to believe I'm someone I'm not. Also, if you're married, separated, or looking for an INTIMATE ENCOUNTER, don't bother contacting me. Please don't email your number expecting me to call you. I like to IM someone first before sharing my number just to get to know his personality. (send your IM name!) I had a bad experience before with someone who had my number that I never met.

YOUR PROFILE & HELPFUL HINTS FOR ANY GUY
For the love of God, don't have a picture of you and your Ex on here.... If that is the only picture you have, then does that mean you do not have any friends???
Women think pictures of men flexing their muscles in the mirror are ridiculous.
We don't want to see pictures of how hot you were 10 years ago..
Please try to have an updated picture, because there is nothing like meeting someone and your like wtf, whose picture did you post on your profile??? lol.
If you want a classy lady, then don't use profanity in your profile or have a picture flipping off the camera.
Don't have pictures of yourself with women hanging all over you.. We don't like womanizers.
Also, if you can't spell a big word on here, then don't use it!!
I want an educated man, so if you use ebonics in your vocabulary like you are still in high school, then please move on to the next profile.
Remember, WOMEN are reading your profile, not MEN. We are not interested in your old car you restored with the custom paint job. THEREFORE, why put a picture of it on your profile.. We don't put pictures of our favorite pair of shoes or handbags!
Don't try to hide obvious things about yourself in your profile. You are just setting us up for disappointment when we meet. (e.g. missing teeth, weight gain, change in hair color, missing limbs, extra limbs, loss of hair, growing a Forrest Gump Beard, using a glamor shot)



ABOUT ME
First off, I am very sarcastic, so if you don't have a sense of humor, we wouldn't mesh well. *****sarcasm ['sa:r.kzm] noun(the use of) unpleasant/funny remarks intended to a person for kicks and giggles.*** I'm a Single mom with a 5 year old daughter and too busy to meet new people. I do have ONE tattoo strategically placed... On the flipside, I am not attracted to men with large or multiple tattoos.

WHAT I ENJOY
I am a social butterfly, mesh with almost any crowd, and have a lot of friends.
Not too much of a homebody, but I do like to play the Nintendo Wii/Wii Fit
I'm a Christian, and it's very important to me that my match would be a Christian as well.
Since I am so particular on physical shape, doing things to stay active are always great. I generally ride my bike or roller blade on Katy Trail.
I am learning how to play golf, and love going to the driving range.
Since I grew up in East Texas, I actually enjoy bowling & billiards.
I have my daughter a lot, so Chuck E. Cheese and parks are part of my regular lifestyle. She doesn't meet just any guy, so this means you would have to be extremely special to ever meet her!
She has an active dad, so for those thinking I'm shopping for a "new dad" have it mistaken. I'm looking for a good role model.

Just a quick eliminator if you have any of the following words in your profile: pimps, players, prostitutes, escorts, strippers, hustlers, or if you have a main picture showing your 6 pack body(and the picture is old) then I

WHAT I LIKE:`(come on guys, you can't control chemistry)
I am typically attracted to:
Caucasian men with light brown/blond hair
Blue, green, or hazel eyes
Preferably over 5'10" since I love heels
Please have a stable job, and not live with your parents!!!
I WANT more kids, so if you don't then that's something that would prevent a future for us!
Well educated & Intelligent men,
Shaved/groomed bodies, FYI guys, straight men shave their bodies too, I mean it's almost 2010, and most women don't like body hair... Do you like bush? lol, times are changing)You may have heard the new term "MANSCAPED"
Confidence & Motivation,
Respect, Responsibility, and established men.
Please be in shape too, so if you can't see your toes, or you can jiggle your belly, I will not want to see you naked, lol. That means no sex, so physical attraction and chemistry are requirements.... (or if you have more than 1 Chin)
No illegal immigrants, I won't help you get your green card (unless you can pay the million dollar fee .

WHAT I'M NOT ATTRACTED TO:`
Cowboys, Rednecks, Punk Rockers, Bald Heads, Multiple Tattoos, Pony Tails,Mullets, Hairy Chests, beards, and goa-t's (not goats, you know the partial beard). My biggest is SMOKING... Hate it!! Also, please don't have a picture of your car posted on here, ESPECIALLY if you have a special paint job, or RIMS on your old car. (If I was interested in what you drove, I would be on a sugar daddy site!) SORRY IF I JUST OFFENDED YOU. I have received an email that stated I should put what I am looking for, but if I knew, I PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE ON THIS SITE. Always open to constructive criticism, but not if I can't be myself about it.

A FIRST DATE`
Also, I am looking for a REAL relationship.... if you expect to get some on our first date, then I'm not your woman. Maybe come pick me up, meet my parents, have the "I own a gun talk with my dad", and have me home by 11. hehe.

IN CONCLUSION, HAHA
Sorry if I sound so negative, but just putting my PRIOR bad experiences out there to prevent from wasting your time. Just think of it in a positive way, I SAVED YOU MONEY ON A DINNER DATE. Add me on face_book.. same username without the 29!