I've had an normal childhood. As a baby I was found abandoned in a Zambezi Brothel by two police dogs, REX and DOLLY. They took me into their kennel, a converted art decoco*ktail cabinet, where I lived until they were killed in the rabies scare of 62, leaving me with the one thing money cant buy; Poverty.
I was taken in by nuns, who mailed me by 1st class post to London England. It was found I could only communicate in beastial grunts. ( I still give animal grunts when in the throws of passion ).
I attended a school for wayward boys.
From that low beginning I went on to invent cats and work on the tunnel that connects England with Peru. I am in the process of relocating.

Ah, well first to meet in a bar. The music would have to be anything but heavy metal.
Over drinks, I would slowly dazzle you with lies and slander, then on to a resturant..the meal would have to be french. Small but perfect portions with hidiously complex sauces.
To end, after midnight of course, a trip to the cemetery. There we would ponder life and death, drink wine and make love like hyenas in season. howling at the moon.