[Late night infomercial transcript, hosted by Mike Rowe--definitely not the crazy guy with the 'Riddler like' suit]

Mike Rowe:
Are you a single (as in anything besides currently married) female between the ages of 24-34?

Female audience:
Um yea.

Mike. Rowe:
Do you find yourself going on trips during any season or to weddings, shows, concerts, sporting events, bars, museums, stores or just staying home alone?

Female audience:
Actually Mike, yes. My life is complete. I have good friends, a great family and a successful job; but, i don't have anyone to share it with right now.

Mike Rowe:
Are you looking for a guy who's single, college educated, a great friend/son/brother/uncle and an even better lover? Maybe someone who is a creative/passionate/attentive adventuring soul and Italian to boot?

Female audience:
I thought all the really good ones were already taken?

Mike Rowe:
Sure, if think the good ones are the liars, serial daters and ego maniacs. If not, there are still a few good ones around and there just so happens to be one of them here with us.

Female audience:
This is too good to be true. Where's the catch?

Mike Rowe:
The only catch here would involve sports. The same goes for games--only the ones that involve the movement of plastic pieces around colorful cardboard, playing cards or winning large stuffed animals are part of the deal.

Female audience:
How do I 'get me' one of those Mike?

Mike Rowe:
Well unfortunately, this is a once in a life time opportunity. You must act now and the next eligible caller will have a good time enjoying all life has to offer and comfort for those not so good times. For a limited time, there is a money back guarantee if you are not contributing to Yahoo!'s quarterly profits.

Mike Rowe:
Here are actual (unpaid) testimonials from friends:

(Brooklyn, NY) Believe me when i say this... you are such an awesome human being - No one that i know who would JUST pick up and go to a long distance drive to Kentucky for a "non party event".... I thank you for being a part... And thank you for your sincere blessing. Lots of love to you Jeremy. You rock as I have always suspected.

(Rutland, VT) thanks for a great weekend!

(Mebane, NC) Hey, like the pic...you look good not that you don't look good in general..just saying...You remembered! Wow, you really are a great and awesome guy...looking forward to you coming here to hang out! Fun times are ahead!

(State College, PA) hey..thanks for the bday wishes..how was your bday the other week..I would love to get up to NY soon..if so, it would be a blast to meet up with some of the old AKAK boys

(New York, NY) come hangout with me in the city. i have no friends.

(Jersey City, NJ) yes made it back, somehow someway...good times...thanks for the quality bar tending...

(San Francisco, CA) Hey Remy, I'm coming into town May 18th to the 21st. Can I crash at your place again?

(Albany, NY) New Years was very fun thanks for the hospitality! I hope I spelled that right....better look it up.... nice it's right!

(State College, PA) REMY!!! Remember that one time...there was that formal...and you went with that crazy girl..ME! hee hee! Truth be told, every time I see Remy Martin...I think of you. Hope you are well..long time no talk doll :D

(Brooklyn, NY) Jeremy is the only single guy I know that I would trust my wife and kids' lives with if I'm not around. Plus he saved me from potentially drowning.


Mike Rowe:
But wait there's more. Jeremy is employed, has a valid drivers license to drive his car and motorcycle. He also has a subscription to Time Out New York and is looking to use it a lot more. Plus as a added bonus, he is kid tested, mother approved and doctor recommended.

obviously something besides the dinner/movie thing. i've got some creative ideas; but, just need a willing participant.