Hmmmm, so you want to know about the real me... Ok, here goes... I am a vibrant, effervescent and vivacious individual, often seen giving change to the poor, bestowing advice to those that need it, and scraping unsightly gum off park benches.

I’m very organized. This morning I emptied my sock and underwear drawers, and reordered everything from “never on a date” at the bottom, to “acceptable” on the top. I then reorganized that drawer in the kitchen that has all of the altoids, bottle caps, can openers, cards, coasters and Q-tips – alphabetically -- all before leaving for work.

I can pilot 2-wheeled motorized vehicles up steep inclines without breaking a sweat, and I am still a virgin. I once watched The English Patient, the Notebook, You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, and Steel Magnolias in a single evening, and still didn’t get lucky.

I volunteer 72 hours a week at the orphanage, 96 hours a week at the food bank, and 6 hours every Saturday afternoon at the self serve car wash helping people wash their cars, free of charge. Last week I had some spare time so I cleaned all of that brown stuff on the bottom of my refrigerator. Occasionally I sleep.

I know all of the settings on my washer and dryer; luckily I didn’t have to use either of them until I was 32 (thanks mom). I’m over 50 now but my mom assures prospective brides that I act a lot younger than that, and she would be willing to do the laundry if someone would take me.

I travel extensively, and am recognized on the streets of most European cities. I have sang in the opera in Vienna, won wet T-shirt competitions in Fort Lauderdale, cycled with Pamplona’s bulls, and was featured on a Caribana parade float. Women trust me. I have led the opening prayer at the World Buddhist Conference in Nepal. I have never tested positive for steroids, and I have never, ever, ever, had sex with that woman.

I’m an expert in Tai Chi, a connosewer of fine wines, and a leader of men. I have played the fujara flute in Northern Slovakia and children and small animals followed me. I have jumped out of perfectly good airplanes, and the ‘chute has opened every time, so far.

I am a celebrated chef. Just before going grocery shopping last week, I was able to make a five course meal using only condiments, tomato paste, several packages of sugar, and a leftover can of beans.

I have a solid resume with a broad range of experience. I have been a contract painter for Greenpeace in the Arctic, an acupuncturist in China, a matador in Spain, a recliner tester for La-Z-Boy in Jamaica, and a lighthouse operator in Newfoundland.

I lure women with my sensuous body, sultry voice and fat wallet (filled with a significant number of decent coupons). My kisses are sensuous and last a lot longer than the average guy. I use various suction techniques to ensure that this is the case.

I always strive to give the woman in my life my undivided attention, in between breathtakingly short bouts of ADD. I never have to finish off all of my antibiotics.

I was going to buy a smart car, but I failed the IQ test.

I am complex and multi-dimensional. My friends call me loyal and minimally annoying, my x-girlfriends call me studmeister, Pfizer calls me a repeat customer, my x-wife calls me plaintiff, and my mom calls me half as good as my brother. Please hug me, quick.

Tom

ps.... ok, ok, real details available upon request... author, writer, professor, technologist, TV personality, proud dad, etc....

ppps... please please add me to your favourites so i can beat all those other guys........... lol

Hmmmmm, whatever you like, I'm flexible.