***here are some tips on how to get a date with me:

1. Please post a shirtless pic of your beer belly and hairy chest--sooo sexy-dont worry about including your face in the picture- If it's that bad I can get some brown bags!
2. Please post a pic of you with alot of random women-this way i know your a real stud-muffin!
3. Still be living at home-at age 40-love a momma's boy!
4. Insist on emailing me the pic of your privates--i say no-but as you know-no means YES!!
5. If you are only looking for a 'intimate encounter' or 'other relationship'..email me anyway--hey i may be desperate that night!
6. If you say you are looking for a long term- im blonde of course i believe you! especially since you've been on here for the last 5 yrs and on 3 other sites.
7. Always include the words-caring,loving,faithful,likes to cuddle,down to earth, (reminds me of a worm) in your profile
8. Use lots of smiley faces and dancing pickles/bananas with little or no information about yourself--as long as i know you are a happy person.
9. Get really mad and send me a nasty email if i dont get a chance to answer the first 10 you sent..love an agressive man!
10. make sure your only picture is of you and 4 other guys this way i have to guess which one is you.
11. If you dont have your picture posted-don't worry I would never think you are cheating on your wife/girlfriend.
12. Make sure you mention how 'intellegent' you are. (ok how many of you didnt get that one)?
13. If you must take the typical cheesy bathroom mirror pic, please flush the toilet first!!
14. I do love animals but dont waste 5 picture shots on your dog...or cat...or scenery...or your car/motorcycle...and PLEASE keep your kids pics OFF THE INTERNET!!!!!
...and stop blaming your friend about how you got on here!!
or how you struck out..i mean "got sick" of the bar scene...and if your holding an alcoholic beverage in all of your pictures i'm sure your not the one for me.


**extra points if you are actually holding a fish in your main photo or on your motorcycle!!! (I will marry the guy who is holding a fish while on his motorcycle)


(¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨)
`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨)¸.·´
×°× `·.¸.·´ ×°×

on the first date:
1. It's ok if you are 60 lbs heavier than your picture and 5" shorter and 10 yrs older and suddenly follically challenged-as long as i got to know 'the real you before hand. people CHANGE right.
2. If you need to bring your cell with you on a date.feel free to text and answer as many calls as you want-- I know it's just mom checking up on her boy-right!
3. Change plans last minute and ask me back to your house for a drink instead of going to some crowded public place-- who cares if you are a total stranger! we did share some deep emails!
4. When I finally give you my phone number--just send me texts- I'll understand if your too chicken to actually hit the 'call' button!
5. Ask me to drive so you can get 'hammered'
6. I HATE long walks on the beach ...horseback riding on the beach would be fine.
7. Talk about how crazy/bi-polar your ex is...like you had nothing to do with that!!
8. Above all...please have a sense of humor, life is short...live, love and laugh while your here! nothing is better than laughing so hard your stomach hurts!!

* I'm looking for the perfect push-up bra to post for my 'boob shot'....but maybe I will just put it on my cat and put her picture up--although I will have to buy her 4...hmmm

** Please do not copy/paste any part of this profile-be creative and get your own!!
my age is wrong-dont know why they wont let me change it but i'm 39.


...........O...................Put this
..............\.....O............on your
............../...../.............profile
..............\.....\.............if you
...................../.............know
............O............O......someone
............/......O......\......who really
............\.......\....../......should have
............/........|......\.....been a
...................../.............blow job

-------!!!------- Put this on your
-------!!!------- page if you
---!!!!!!!!!!!!---know someone in the
-------!!!------- armed forces or to
-------!!!------- show your support
-------!!!------- and respect to all
-------!!!------- our troops

----///-\\\----Put This
---|||---|||---On Your
---|||---|||---account If
---|||---|||---You Know
----\\\-///----Someone
-----\\///-----Who Died
------///\-----Of
-----///\\\----Cancer
----///--\\\-----Or whom maybe suffering from it
---///----\\\------OR A SURVIVOR

------/-\------- On Your
-----/ 0 \------ Account If
----/-/|\-\----- You Know
---/--/-\--\---- Someone Who
--/---------\--- Has Been
-/-----------\-- Abducted By Aliens



|.........| Put this on your profile
|.........| if you ever pushed a door
|......0..| that said pull.
|.........|
|.........|