I have traveled pretty much everywhere, done a ton of stuff and I am way over-educated. Unfortunately, that makes me a bore at parties. I drone on and on about whatever the topic is, and when I look around, I see slack jaws and vacant stares. I get that reaction at work and on dates as well. I used to think it was everyone else's problem, but when I analyzed it a little, I realized that the common denominator in all those situations is me. But, would such a realization lead to change? So far, not so much. So, be warned.

I know a lot of jokes, and will fit them into any situation, but only about 45% are funny. I will laugh at them myself though, so that kind of relieves you of that responsibility.

Essential facts

1. I drive 25 mph in the 25 mph zone and relish the huge line of cars behind me.

2. I fantasize that I am a performer on radio dramas.

3. I consider guacamole dip and chips an acceptable vegetarian substitute.

4. I wear 13 year old woolen socks to bed, but never under any circumstances walk anywhere in them.

5. I have watched every movie that Tom Cruise and Keanu Reeves have made, but I never tell anyone.

6. I dread bathroom doors that have a handle you have to pull from the inside to get out so I only open them by balling my hands into fists and pulling with my wrists.

Famous people I have met:

1. Mr T in an elevator in Detroit

2. James Doohan at LAX

3. Skip Carey, voice of the Atlanta Braves, sneezed near me on the street in San Francisco

4. Ate lunch with the Vice President of Micronesia

I took a personality test and here are the results: You are relatively open to new experiences. You are well-organized, and are reliable. You are relatively social and enjoy the company of others. You are good-natured, courteous, and supportive. You probably remain calm, even in tense situations.

According to the food test, I am Mexican Food: Spicy yet dependable. I pull punches, but people still love me

My animal personality? The crow. (What the heck?) You love to talk and am very persuasive. You are curious, but careful not to poke your beak where it doesn’t belong. You love to travel, and people have a hard time keeping track of you.

According to face recognition software, I resemble Tom Cruise (67% similar; maybe that explains seeing all his movies, even Magnolia!), Matt Dillon (66%) or Rachel Bilson (64%). Augusto Pinochet (60%) made the list as well, but I don’t talk about that.

UPDATE: I pulled up my jeans, and ripped one of my belt loops off.

UPDATE 2: I am pretty much only comfortable in jeans or slacks, black tie, not so much. I certainly don't transition easily between the two, because I usually get snagged by the cumberbund.

UPDATE 3: Here is a quote from my all time favorite movie:

"Do you find Chief Orman attractive?"

"You're a striking figure"

I think that would be a fine epitaph.

I am up for pretty much anything. I have gone on dates that involved hiking in a national forest, sitting in a starbucks drinking coffee (black with sweetener), shopping for Christmas presents, going to a minor league baseball game, listening to a lecture on CS Lewis, swimming laps, playing frisbee, pretty much whatever occurs to us to do.