Position Available: Ms. Perfect
-Location: TBD (LA, OC, or in between)

Your Co-worker (me):
-Closet optimist seeks excuse to come out.
-Surplus of humor included.
-Basic "please & thank you", as well as 'advanced' courtesy included.
-DIY handiness, and willingful helpfulness included.
-Built-in honesty, intelligence, devotion, communicative functionality, including ability to agree-to-disagree.
-Adaptable to multiple environments.
-T Shirt and Jeans included, alternate dress available when appropriate.
-Personal heating device and sleep aid included (a.k.a. "arms").
-No "scene" required. -I enjoy the people that I am with, rather than where I am.
-No games (dating).
-No video game system addiction.
-No televised sports addiction.
-No beer, nicotine, or substance addiction.
-I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. -If everyone was the right person for me, then I probably wouldn't be here, right?

Qualified applicant must:*
-be unique, despite the preferences below.
-be between 28 and 37 years old.
-include pictures, if none posted
-be SINGLE, not "separated".
-be infectiously happy/smiling.
-be honest, intelligent, courteous, and polite.
-be susceptible to excessive affection.
-make me smile when I read your profile/email. -bonus points if your pictures make me drool.
-know how to communicate. -big bonus points for big talkers/writers.
-have opinions, and willingness to share them.
-never be able to get enough of me -This will be returned in kind.
-not set off my smoke alarm.
-pass a drug test.
-pass my pheromone test.
-pass my cute/hot test ;) -Hint: less makeup + great smile & eyes - giant sunglasses = higher score.
-be short, and NOT BBW. -I'm tall, but prefer shorter women (5'9" Max), so sue me. There is no min. height. BBW is not my thing, sorry.
-have beautiful eyes. -I'm a sucker for brown and darker
-have eyebrows composed mainly of hair.
-have a college degree, employment, and own motorized transportation.
-have just a touch of road rage. -For flavor.
-like pets.
-want kids, but not have any yet. -I don't have any now, but eventually...
-know the difference between "you're", "your", and "yore", as well as "there", "they're", and "their".
-nOt TyPe In AlTeRnAtInG cAsE, OR IN ALL UPPER CASE..

Things on applications that DON'T make you stand out: -EVERYONE says the same thing, so it's pointless.
- [a list of places you have traveled to]
-"Live, Love, Learn", "Live, Love, Laugh", etc.
-"Love like you have never been hurt."
-"Dance like nobody is watching".
-"Live life to the fullest".
-"Live like there is no tomorrow".
-"Carpe Diem".

Pictures on applications that confuse me:
-you can't smile in at least ONE of them? really?
-in the bathroom? do you really want me to associate your face with a bathroom?
-those are nice pictures, but you're not in any of them?
-which one is you? everyone in the pics matches your general description! twins, sisters, cousins, friends, clones, replicators, skinjobs?
-how am I supposed to see beautiful eyes when your sunglasses are so big that they literally cover half your face?
-you and old-enough-to-be-your-dad (or older) looking dude(s) in lots of "couples" pics. really, you fell for it?

Things on applications that will send you directly to my circular file:
-The only thing you talk about is God/Jesus: -That's nice, but that much God just isn't my thing. There are tons of guys out there who do like that much God and you'd have better luck with one of them.
-The only thing you talk about is traveling, and that's more important to you than a relationship: -When your conversation material or priorities change, feel free to drop me a line.
-*any email that's an argument, especially regarding the previous 2 items*

Other:
-Opportunity for advancement available to outstanding applicant.
-Mac OS X compatibility highly preferred, but not required.
-If accepted, position is expected to be permanent!

(Clarification of any details/requirements available upon request)

*While these qualifications are not compulsory, they can be used as a set of general guidelines for success.

I'm looking to meet a nice single unique/fun/wonderful/cute/hot friend to hang out with. All of my current friends are married off, and/or are too busy. Hopefully, I can make a new friend who will turn out to be Ms. Right!

I'd say "lunch" or "coffee" for a first date. But, I don't drink coffee, so... what's your suggestion? I don't mind going to a coffee shop, as long as you don't mind me not drinking coffee.

FAQs:
Q01. You are so tall, do you play football or basketball?
A01. -No.

Q02. Where do you live?
A02. -I'm moving back to LA or OC as soon as possible.

Q03. Do you have tats, piercings, plugs, mods, etc.? Are you a cool Potsmoker, Bro, Flatbiller, NoTW guy, or live in a trailer? Do you drive a sexy Pickup, Bro Truck, Brodozer, or xB?
A03. -No to EVERYTHING.

Q04. Are you a bar, club, or underground rave guy?
A04. -No, I'm more of a 'friend's party', 'family thing', or random 'other' event guy.

Q05. If you say "no thanks", and/or "not interested", can I keep emailing you pointless, random crap, hoping you will change your mind?
A05. -Do what you like, I have already blocked you. I'm not trying to offend anyone normal. I'm just tired of the occasional psychos.

Q06. You said "no thanks", and/or "not interested", and I want to keep emailing you pointless, random crap. Why won't POF let me?
A06. -

Q07. I didn't read your profile text, or I did and I don't match a single thing you've mentioned above. But, I live close to you, and/or I'm tall too, and/or I am a BBW, so I think nothing you said applies to me. Why aren't you interested?
A07. -Do I really have to answer this?

Q08. I'm only 18, but I'm very attractive, I have nice boobs, I am very mature, and I am ready to settle down. Why won't you date me?
A08. -Yes, I'm sure you're hot. Yes, I'm sure they are nice. Sure, I will look at them. Yes, I'm flattered. No, I won't date you. I'm sorry, but I'm sure you can find plenty of dirty older men that will lie and pretend to love you so they can get in your pants. If you want genuine, honest, advice, just date a nice, quiet, or shy guy, within a FEW years (+3 or -3) of your age. Join some clubs at school if you can't find any nice guys.

Q09. I'm old enough to be your mom, but I'm still very hot, I have nice boobs, and I'm young at heart. Why won't you date me?
A09. -Yes, I'm sure you're still hot. Yes, I'm sure they are very nice. Sure, I will look at them. Yes, I'm flattered. No, I won't date you.

Q10. You favorited me, but haven't said anything. What's the deal?
A10. -I probably didn't have time, or it was bad timing for me. Feel free to email me and ask.

Q11. Why is your profile so long and ridiculous?
A11. -It's my own funny way of trying to increase the odds of finding Ms. Perfect.