If for some horrible reason you're actually reading this, you want to know more about me. I have an unexplained obsession with vacuum cleaners and aardvarks. I enjoy the late-night-get-up-and-go-do-something-because-you-can't-sleep-adventures. I love road trips, especially those with no destination in mind. I love my family. I love my roommate. I love my pet which happens to be a snake, so be forewarned, to love me is to love her. I have 9 tattoos, and as much as I love them, it is not required that you have any, just be tolerant of mine and of the fact that I will be getting more. I have a small nose ring. I have a brother that used to beat me up, but from what I hear, all big brothers do that. I have a very stable job, I drive a car, and yes, sometimes I even have a little spending money. I'm completely enamored with Johnny Depp and will one day have a thousand of his babies. I hate the sound of joints popping, leaves crunching, and cars that either have bad brakes or need power steering fluid. I try living life to the fullest, but sometimes need that kick in the you-know-what to keep me on track. I often wonder why it is that a sandwich tastes a hundred times better when someone else makes it for you and why the fries that fall to the bottom of the bag always taste like the best fries you've ever had in your life. I'm a movie theater nacho junkie, so long as it's not the cheese that comes in a little pre-packaged cup. If you've made it this far through my rambling, you definitely need to get out more.

First date would consist of driving around for a while, playing the polite "I don't know, what do you feel like doing" game, but only for about 10 minutes before I can't take any more and decide that if we can't decide, we go to Denny's. I shall require at least 2 tries on the claw grabber machine, neither of which will render a stuffed animal prize, at which point a consoling hug may be in order. Next, you'd say, "Do you want to catch a movie?" and if I say yes, that means that I might not think we click the way I want to, and if I say no, that means I would rather spend the rest of the time talking more and getting to know you and singing along horribly and loudly to some catastrophic song from 1987 in the car with you. Should all that work out, then I'd divulge my secret weakness and tell you that I want some ice cream... and by ice cream, I really mean ice cream, that's not some code word for nookie.

Live within 75 miles.
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
Must not do drugs
Must not be married