Why is it when they asked for fish personality they didn't let me put in SPERM WHALE? I am your typical egomaniac exhibiting an inferiority complex. I still haven't learned not to pull on the thread at the end of my sweater, but I do have a ton of cashmere half shirts for any girls who want one. For a guy, I am kind, but so is a weasel protecting her young...so....? I have a small penis unless you are metric, then I am HUGE (17.8 centimeters). For those math challenged the conversion is 2.54cm to 1 in. If still confused, contact my friend Yucko the clown, he is more your type.

I am into anything that is funny, so long as it is not at other's expense. Well, that is a lie. Sometimes some people do get my undivided attention, take for example the monosyllabic working at the 411 who gives you the wrong number when you call information. I can spend an entire day chasing them down and tormenting them, but don't tell me you don't have the same desire. I just have a bad time prioritizing my time so I will pay the bills tomorrow instead.

Am I the only one who thinks this, but is Sigfried and Roy gay? And anyone trying to have sex with a tiger deserves to get eaten. That is why people should only have sex with tamed farm animals and dogs – they are less likely to send you to the ER.

If you are not scared yet we may have a chance. For those reading on, the above was to weed out the illiterate. I am an honest as far as men (or women for that matter) are concerned. I can be the sweetest person in the world and the most loyal friend you will ever have. I root for the underdog all the time as I have found that was my position most of the time, and by perseverance I succeeded when others quit.

I have had a roller coaster life of higher highs than a rock star and lower lows than Britney Spears. At no time did I ever feel I was down and out, and I have always wanted a partner who is there for me on the lows (not just the highs) as many fair weather friends are. SCOTT_FLIES_4_FUN (with underscores) is my e male address and insnt mesg at Y. Hit me up, but please describe where you saw me at because I might get confused with my subscription from Women with Three Breast Who Like K-09 account.

I have found, for some reason I don't know, that I tend to have better relationships with women who are bisexual and very kinky. Perhaps it is my veracious appetite and short attention span that forces me to like changing things up? Just being my honest shallow self (like most men), I am attracted to women who are average weight through the thin range. Nel Carter, search with Oprah elsewhere please. We can still be friends, but I will most likely not be attracted to you unless you can tell one hell of a Knock-Knock joke.

I love the opera and hard rock (Rob Zombie, Metallica, etc.) That just shows the level of schizophrenia I have. I am a home body at times and other times I want to hop on a plane at the last second for somewhere random. I always stop to help the homeless, but really can't stand voluntary stupid.

What else do I like? My absolute favorite thing is thunderstorms in the afternoon cuddling looking out at the light show. Baby animals of all kinds (they are delicious - just kidding), very sexual girls (tired of the guy thing - lol), Flying away on a weekend to no where, books (non-fiction), kinky sex, scary movies or comedies. I also like sitting on the beach listening to music.

First dates set the tone for the rest of the relationship which is why I play the game guarded to throw the girl off. I will do the traditional flowers, dinner, carriage ride stuff and actually be a gentleman. The second date is where I shine. Their guard is down and they are not expecting me to ask if their mother and them ever did a three way (wink). Just kidding. A woman who can solve differential equations in a teddy while reading Hustler is a huge turn on.

Actually, it sort of depends on the girl, the season, my mood, or what common interests we have. I didn't have a fun date taking a girl who couldn't swim scuba diving. The pesky police kept asking me all sorts of questions like, “Why would you take her to the ocean if she could not swim?” The retards didn't thing NATURAL SELECTION was a good enough answer, like they knew Origin of the Species? Then when I spoke of the Beagle and the Galapagos, they really lost interest.

Eventually I would like to find my equal. I enjoy brains over boobs, but a nice ass does go a long way. I would love to find someone who would help me run a Whoopie cushion Company or Marital Aide distribution center. Laughs all day, no matter how stupid the subject add 8 years to you life, and the way I take care of my body I need every one of those days. I am the only guy (seriously) who gets more romantic as time goes on, and am the type to say “I love you first' which really scares women when you first meet them. If life is so bad that you find this amusing, then I am you man!