If you've ever served in the United States Coast Guard, then you'll recognize the above song with a smile and a knowing nod, courtesy of the movie "The Guardian." Thank you for your endless hours and tireless dedication in regards to helping find and rescue the victims of hurricane Katrina. Semper Paratus, my friends.



The positives about me: I have the personality of an African Mamba as my friends tell me. (One of the most deadliest snakes on earth) if you badmouth my friends, pets, country or my family, I will wave my head from side to side as the "mamba" does in mock amusement..then strike without you knowing what the hell hit you.

Obviously, I have only one positive trait and it's called "loyalty" oh, well.

Don't let my "sweet smile" fool you.

I'm known around where I live as the most evil, pretentious bit*ch on the island and no one approaches me without offering a "cat toy" if they expect me to glance their way. If, in essence offered a "cat toy"..then I will examine it in detail and get back to you if I feel that you are worthy of spending any time with my 80 cats. Or me.

I don't need you. Get that straight. I'm financially stable, live alone, have my own transportation and have taught my cat's the art of giving a good back rub..so again, I must reiterate the fact that I don't need you. If my cat's accept you, then you have a 50/50 chance of getting along with me. If they hate you, then so do I.

On a positive note..I love the water and will give my life for it without question. I'm a diver and despise fishing for sport. Don't make me bite through your "monofilament" line when I'm diving when you are fishing for sport. I'll bite the line with my bare teeth if I have to in order to release any fish you catch, dude. Trust me, on that. Fish are important for our ecosystems and to kill them for a "Kodak moment" for Aunt Ethel is just plain unacceptable to me.

I'm all about ocean conservation..are you? Remember this you aZZhole fishermen..we are on THEIR TURF when on the high seas and you ego-driven fishermen are ruining our coral reefs, injuring our manatees and slowly depleting our oceans of important marine species. I truly hate each and everyone of you fishermen..so the next time you e-mail me with a slew of pictures on your profile showing the 200 lb hammerhead you caught for "sport"..think again. I wouldn't even spit on you, much less give you the time of day. As a matter of fact, I would pay good money just to see you guys laying on the beach minding your own business when a "snook" flies out of the water, shoots your ass with a spear gun and drags you down into the abyss of the sea just to show " Uncle Nemo" and his friends what they "caught." "Look at the human writhing helplessly with it's eyes bulging and gasping for air, Uncle Nemo!!! Quick!! Take a picture while it's dying!!!!"

Did I make my point?

Oh, and just for the record...if your stomach in any way resembles a hammock with a baby hippo in it, please pass me by. I take care of myself and expect you to do the same.

***My preference on dating ANYONE at this time in my life is active Coast Guard personnel under 53, with teeth, hair, taller than a munchkin, (preferably 5'9) and a passion for animals and the water.*** If you don't meet the above criteria then don't waste my time.

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