I think if I read another profile that suggests we go "Wine tasting" or "Hike up a mountain" on a first date, I will run downtown and proceed to jump off the tallest building I can find. If I ever feel like hiking up a mountain, I lay down for 5 minutes and it goes away.

Oh and if I don't have a gold dot does that mean I'm "Not" Serious?

Here you are reading my profile looking for Mr. Hunkalicious, Mr. I'm All That, Mr See Me In My Tight Pants. You know the guy with the six pack abs, the second home in Maui and a Ferrari in the garage, the guy that walks funny because his wallet is so heavy. He's the one who's constantly posing and winking so often you would think something is wrong with his eye. When he smiles, the flash from his pearly whites gives you retinal scarring. He wears snake skin tennis shoes and has a Rolls Royce grill on his golf cart. His shirts and jock strap are monogrammed as well as his pajamas and he always wears sunglasses in the dark. He's had two facelifts, butt implants and an addadicktome and he's lookin goooooood. Thing is, I heard the other day he crapped his Armani suit.

Why would he be on POF or any other dating site? Ask youself why he isn't married already. Is it because he still wants to entertain more bimbos than the YWCA? Maybe he's just a tad confused with all of the gullible women continually throwing themselves at his prominent bulge. Maybe he is just bored and is looking for anther toy. Who knows and who cares.

I have a friend who has been looking for Mr. Hunkalicious for 8 years now. I guess she hasn't figured out that he isn't looking for her. But then again, she doesn't have a nice pair of nail ons, staples in her navel and two creases where she has been folded up and stuffed in the night stand.

Then there is me, a slightly used guy whose skin is starting to show the results of many days on the lake in the Arizona sun. I don't have a Ferrari or a condo in Maui. Instead, a Pathfinder and a couple Harleys and I much prefer 5 star hotels in some of the most exotic places on earth. Sorry, but I don't have a six pac because I have better things to do than spend my whole day in a gym. I am however, a great cook, know how to communicate and can clean up rather well.

I am looking for a beautiful, funny, passionate, honest, and real lady who is looking for the same in a man. Someone who values the intimacy only two people connected can share. Someone who doesn't call a barstool home and would rather wrap their lips around a great steak than a crackpipe.

If you are a serial dater, priority impaired, in need of anger management, a drunk or addict, on Prozac, have checked off every "must not" on the list, controlling, negative, 7 feet tall or have knarly toes... keep on fishing.

When I am 90 I would like to sit on the edge of the bed with the love of my life, take out our teeth, count each others wrinkles and attack each other in a Viagra induced cardio workout. Is that too much to ask? The way this is going though, the only reason I would be taking that little blue pill is too keep from rolling out of bed.

So, if you are tired of guys who write profiles that sound like this... "Wanted, a petite blonde hottie milf with huge kazangees, a bumpin booty and enough money to keep me in a way I would like to be accustomed"... then you know what to do.

Hope to hear from you soon.

And now for the sarcasm.....Whoopie...We can start off with a non fat organic venti caramel soy scoobiedoo at Starbucks. Then we can go work out for a few hours. Then we should hike to a resturant and go fine dining and afterwards go wine tasting. Then we can go hiking all the way to the beach where we can stroll under the stars, holding hands, while we live, love, laugh, have a picnic, think outside the box and talk about how our glasses are half full. After that we can hike down the beach the other way, collecting sea shells. We can put them in a bowl to save forever as a reminder of our first date. We can end a perfect evening by hiking to either my place or yours and spend the rest of the night hiking in circles around the living room, listening to 70's disco and feeding each other Cheetos..... And one time at band camp....


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