i'm not interested in any man who loses "respect" for a woman upon her committing the act of sex--such a man does not know respect at all. i DO want a man who knows 'taking charge' in certain ways is about freedom, not misogyny. are you brave enough? i love politeness, love kindness more, but i'm weary of chivalry. you best not confuse the two. kindness might mean helping me carry my things if my hands are full (as would i for you)...holding open a door WHEN you happen to be nearer the handle (as would i)--not jumping ahead awkwardly like some little boy anxious to try and "help" mommy (when mommy can open her own damn door anyway). respect means walking at my pace and having your attention WITH me (not ON me, necessarily): CALMly, NATurally, EASE-ily. Don't get me wrong: i don't mind a little palm-sweating and heart-racing....but that's different then the tension that comes from expecting special favors upon paying your chivalrous dues. pay them to any of the other ladies on the street. feel free to flesh this out a little more if you're feeling me and can drop that sh*tat the door. and if you don't feel me, keep reaching.

if i sound like i have a guard up, it's bc i do; i'm an uppity female smarter than most of you and yet patronized most days of my life, simply for not being****enough. when it comes to dating and other things, I'm "lucky" in that i can smell fakeness from a mile away--only there's so damn much of it it holds me back sometimes! ...so many good men and women out there who've grown up consuming such toxic filth that it consumes us. and yet i'm inspired when i meet those few who've managed to overcome it (including some men)--have you? rest assured when the love is felt it'll be returned fourfold...just watch these walls come tumbling down.

I was paid one of the greatest compliments of my life to be told that i'm crazy like a fox. foxes may run around acting silly or stupid or 'crazy'--as do i, forgetful as f^#$ and ever the ditzy blonde. but foxes just have a plan that goes beyond what meets most eyes--in fact their little guise is just so that no one will suspect a thing. it's disarming and yet one doozy of a weapon. (Chew on THAT next time you hear "Foxy Lady.")

my posting here sounds pretentious (i know...), but in reality i laugh a lot, loudly, and sometimes at the wrong times. i cackle in fact. i can go from high-brow to low-brow in under a second; and might stay in lowbrow territory for a long time. my mind and my mouth are dirty but my heart's pure gold; please help me keep it that way.

background-wise: i'm mixed, mostly caucasian "race." obviously. the first college grad in my family. A flirt. A feminazi. (just try and test how uptight i am....) A jazz singer who *was just a horn player before she intimidated all the boys with her playing and let herself get left out by it for a while. Ambivalent internet addict. A skeptic of what institutions- even before the net- have done to social life. A freshly-bougified new-urbanite (who loves to boogie). Closet treehugger from the burbs. A painter of the palette. A garlic fiend and chocoholic--but not at once. A writer of a thesis on "societal" ADHD. A child of new orleans--and the GI bill. An antiracist by choice; a racist (as we all are) by force/conditioning. Honest to a fault (read: "has too much integrity.") A woman of conviction, but with most of her juries hanging. Rarely-i swear!- thought of as shy.

It's becoming increasingly apparent that I am an addict of jazz--and jill scott and erykah badu and betty carter and a huge swath of the music/lyric universe from the past 80 years, especially Black American music. i'd really love some new company who understands that music can be a conversation of the most intimate and powerful kind.

What I WOULD do? Why an unimaginable variety of things... all depends: who when where?? tis all awaiting fate. I could be walking alone in the mountains and find the man of my dreams swimming in a stream of light under a giant pine tree. That would be a first date. Or he might come to me while i'm laying in white sands entranced myself in my sunbath. Another first date. ORRRRR...we might actually TALK on the train, noticing what books we're each reading, then moving on (WAYYy past first base) to a survey of each others' ipods...[shudder]. Or we can just go to a dating site and email first, then maybe a long and satisfying dinner at some little joint- and then- with all the *talking out of the way- go to a jazz club. Or we could just do like the bunnies in the park and find some bushes-same thing right?


I strive to be high maintenance only on your mind (and on your body?). It should be easy on the heart. And you should try the same.

Good conversation, good food, a park, some walking, some music, some laughter = luscious cakewalk of a date.

or maybe just: my eyes + your eyes?

jazz clubs and/or movies will hopefully come later.