In memory of MY ex: A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

10/13/09 NEW UNIVERSITY STUDY (VERY INTERESTING & SHORT)A study worth sharing with friends both male and female: UNSW's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire. No further studies are expected

Everyone is in a hurry to scream 'racism' these days!
'In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?'
The clerk looks at him and says, 'Are you Polish?'
The guy (clearly offended) says, 'Well, yes I am.
But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?'
'Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?' 'Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog. would you ask me if I was Jewish?' 'Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?' 'If I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?'
The clerk says, 'Well, no, I probably wouldn't!'
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, 'Well then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish because I asked for Polish Sausage?'
The clerk replied, 'Because you're in Home Depot'.

9-20-08 There are about two months until the election that will decide the next President of the United States. The person elected will be the president of all Americans, not just Democrats or Republicans. To show our solidarity as Americans, let's all get together and show each other our support for the candidate of our choice. It's time that we come together, Democrats and Republicans alike. If you support John McCain, please drive with your headlights on during the day. If you support Barack Obama, please drive with your headlights off at night. Thank you!

9-3-08 (Thanks Maxim)A blond woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a policewoman, who was also blond. The blond officer asked to see the blond driver's License. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. What does it look like?' she finally asked.
'It's square and it has your picture on it,' replied the policewoman. The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, 'Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop.'

FIRST DATE:

CHICKEN RECIPE GOOD FOR TURKEY TOO! JUST IN TIME FOR TDAY!
Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of
popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that! When I found
this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like
me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry
is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a
try.
BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN
6-7 lb. baking chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn
(ORVILLE REDENBACHERS LOW FAT) Salt/pepper to taste
__________________________
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with
melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with
stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the
neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the
popping sounds.
When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and
the chicken flies across the room, it is done.

Little Johnny: One night little Johnny wakes up from a bad dream and runs into his parents bedroom finding his mom and dad bent over going at it hot and heavy. In horror he runs from the room. When they finished mom says, "You better go check on little Johnny." So the dad goes downstairs to find little Johnny has Grandma bent over, going at it. Little Johnny looks over to his horrified dad and says, "NOT SO FUNNY WHEN ITS Y-O-U-R MOM, IS IT?"

Death of Mother Nature:
Every day she gets a little weaker
The beauty she once knew has come and gone
We've murdered all her sons and all her daughters
The blood is on your hands, the time has come
And now she's gonna die
We've strangled all her trees and starved her creatures
There's poison in the sea and in the air
But worst of all we've learned to live without her
We've lost the very meaning of our lives
And now she's gonna die
Once she ruled the earth with love and wisdom
But we were much too smart to live her way
With greed and lust we tried to rise above her
The ignorance of man will reach an end
'Cause now we're gonna die

Recognize that song??? It speaks to my roots.