"paragraph" learn how to use em ladies. ;)

Ok. Lets get started with this profile thing...
I don't drink or smoke. I don't really care if you do or not. Drug use is a deal breaker tho... as is any connection, no matter how tenuous, to *Hollywood*. I have to deal with those people thru some of my work & I'd like to keep any contact with the industry at an absolute minimum to preserve my sanity.

Mis-stating your weight so that the suspension on my bike or my truck collapses is also a deal breaker.

BiPolar? pass on by. BTDT once, have NO desire to ever repeat that experience.

Corrective eyewear is ok, corrective underwear is not...

& whats with these strange photos with people smiling & keeping their mouth forcibly closed? Did the meth habit turn your teeth black?

& I firmly believe that the greatest evil facing mankind these days is karaoke.. which is actually the Japanese word for "drunk, with a microphone"

I must now add a disclaimer to the above statement regarding Karaoke. "Porn Star Karaoke" is ok. (Sardos in Burbank on Tuesday nights):)



DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish: 49.
Adventurous: Slept with everyone.
Athletic: No breasts.
Average looking: Moooo.
Beautiful: Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure: On medication.
Feminist: Fat.
Free Spirit: .Junkie.
Friendship first: Former slut.
New-Age: Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned: No B.J.'s
Open-minded: Desperate.
Outgoing: Loud and embarrassing.
Professional: ****.
Voluptuous: Very fat.
Large frame: Hugely fat.
Festively Plump: Santa, without the beard
Down to Earth: Farts, loudly & unashamedly

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
We need to talk = You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead = You better not
Do what you want = You will pay for this later
I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
I am hungry = I am hungry
I am sleepy = I am sleepy
I am tired = I am tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you to dinner = I'd like to have sex with you.
Those shoes do not go with that outfit = I'm gay

A number of bartenders were asked if they could predict a person's personality based on drink they ordered. Their answers were very consistent:

Female Drinks

She orders: Beer
Meaning: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

She orders: Blender Drinks
Meaning: Whiny, annoying, high maintenance.
Approach: Avoid her unless you want to be her cabin boy.

She orders: Mixed Drinks
Meaning: Older, more refined, very picky; knows exactly what she wants.
Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she is interested, she'll send you a drink.

She orders: Wine (other than White Zinfandel)
Meaning: Conservative and classy. Sophisticated, yet giggles.
Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

She orders: White Zinfandel
Meaning: Easy. Thinks she is classy and sophisticated. Actually clueless.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is. This should be an easy.

She orders: Shots
Meaning: Likes to get totally drunk... and naked.
Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do but wait.

Male Drinks

He orders: Domestic Beer
Meaning: He's poor and wants to get laid.

He orders: Imported Beer
Meaning: He likes good beer, isn't poor, and wants to get laid.

He orders: Wine
Meaning: He's hoping that drinking wine will make him look sophisticated and help him get laid.

He orders: Whiskey
Meaning: He doesn't care about anything but getting laid.

He orders: Tequila
Meaning: He's thinking the toothless waitress looks good.

He orders: White Zinfandel
Meaning: He's gay.

It appears I need to explain my pics.
The one of me leaning over an aircraft engine is one of several P51's I occasionally work on.


Don't believe everything you think.


Todays joke:
The well known phrase, 'I' before 'E' except after 'C' usually applies, except in "Alzheimer's"...

What happened? did they forget?

Ok, here's what I know about first dates:
I've just read who knows how many threads on the forums about disasterous first dates & things that people have "forgotten" to mention.

From what I've read so far, I'm not guilty of any of those things. If those threads are anything to go by, I must be quite a catch?

How about a day at the shooting range? :)