HO! HO! HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS (IT'S GONNA BE A LONG ONE) AND A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I've just bought loadsa toilet rolls in case I have a crap Christmas! LMAO

I LOVE GOOD COMPANY: A COMPANY, B COMPANY, C COMPANY...ETC. (LMAO)

HELP OUR HEROES AND RESPECT AND SUPPORT OUR TROOPS

MANY OF THEM ARE FAR FROM HOME AND FORSAKING THEIR FAMILIES, FRIENDS, CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR FOR OUR SAKES. I'M DOING MY BEST TO BOOST MORALE BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE OF ME AND SO MANY OF THEM!!! lol



DO YOU THINK THAT WE WILL CLICK AND THAT THERE COULD BE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN US.....?

CAN YOU ENTICE ME WITH YOUR HUMOUR, EXPERIENCES, CONVERSATION & GOOD MANNERS?

HAVE YOU GOT A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR AND COULD YOU MAKE ME LAUGH?

ARE YOU SMILING IN YOUR PHOTOGRAPH? I LIKE MEN THAT SMILE...

DOES BAD SPELLING, BAD GRAMMAR AND BAD PUNCTUATION MAKE YOU CRINGE?

I WILL ALWAYS REPLY TO AN INTERESTING MAIL (OR SHOULD THAT BE MALE? - LOL)

COULD YOU BE THAT SOMEONE SPECIAL IN MY LIFE...?


I'M IN THE PROCESS OF BECOMING A NON-SMOKER AFTER USING NICOTINE PATCHES AND HYPNOSIS. I'M NOW EXPERIMENTING WITH E-CIGARETTES. IF YOU HAVE ANY TIPS THEY WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. THANKS

IF YOU'RE COSMOPOLITAN; READ ON...

My glass is NOT half-full or half-empty! The glass is the wrong size or maybe the person that poured the liquid was prejudiced! Forget the glass - just give me the bottle! LOL

ARE YOU LIKE ME? I AM: passionate, uncomplicated, practical, versatile, adaptable, honest, respectable (so far), decent, broad-minded, faithful (always), considerate, tactful, reliable, kind, unselfish, fit and genuine. A good laugh, spontaneous, but also sincere, caring, compassionate, affectionate and warm. A real people-person but not a player! I'm a happy, easy-going individual. I always keep my promises! I'm independant and have no dependants. I value genuine relationships/friendships and detest liars. I L-U-R-V-E meeting new people!

Sometimes I'm intellectual and at others a air-head. I can often look like a dog but never b i t c h y! Sometimes I'm a puddytat or a T-I-G-E-RRRRR!!! I'm a dark-horse, an owl, an ass, a cheeky monkey, an ox, a culture-vulture, social butterfly, eager-beaver, a minx!!! Gentle as a lamb with the ROAR of a lion but NEVER as quiet as a mouse! I don't rat! I never boar but sometimes I'm a pig! I rabbit a lot but I'm not a bunny boiler! A bit of a black sheep! Are ewe too chicken to contact me and have a whale of a time and perhaps release these animals in me? I'm rarely a "fish out of water!" (I'm still a kid at heart or maybe a bit cuckoo!)

Husband says to his wife: "tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time!" She replies: "OK. Your knob's bigger than all your mates'!" LOL

Two thick females talking: the first one says: "I took a pregnancy test today!" The other asks: "were the questions hard?" LOL

I've usually had YOUNGER MEN, but NOT to mother. Neither am I an old bag looking for a young shag! I'd love to just "instantly click" with someone. I love babies (couldn't eat a whole one but they're sweet), and animals (I once married one!) I have Irish/French roots (and a few grey hairs). I drink occasionally (Slainte, Skal, Proost, Salvd, Na zdorovye, Na Zdrowie, Az dodna, Cheers). I am fluent in English and also Bollox after drinking alcohol. I love all sorts of different things. I'm lively and out-going and NOT a Drama Queen!

A man returns his blow-up doll to the sex shop and complains: "she keeps going down on me!" The Shop Manager replies: "If I'd known that, I'd have charged you extra!" The shop manager then tells him that an Iraqi doll is better as they blow themselves up but so far no ones's been brave enough to pull the cord to see what happens! He also said that if the Taliban got hold of a tin of Alphabetti Spaghetti, it would spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R!

"I'M A LADY, A REAL LADY! I WEAR LADIES CLOTHES AND DO LADIES THINGS...! " (Schhh! I'm a closet ladette!)

MICKEY MOUSE WAS WAS APPLYING FOR A DIVORCE AND THE LAWYER TELLS HIM: "I'M SORRY MICKEY, YOU CAN'T DIVORCE MINNIE MOUSE JUST BECAUSE SHE'S GOT BUCK TEETH!" MICKEY REPLIES: "I DIDN'T SAY THAT SHE'S GOT BUCK TEETH, I SAID SHE'S F***KIN' GOOFY!"

FILM: sci-fi, thrillers, horror & kids films.
TV: Catherine Tate, Katy Brand, House, Grey's Anatomy, Silent Witness, Lost, Prison Break, Commando, Andy McNab's Tour of Duty, SAS: A Soldier's Story, Bad Lads Army, Unbreakable, Ultimate Force, Supernatural, Apparitions, City of Vice, The Tudors, Desperate Housewives, Sex And The City, The Simpsons, Pushing Daisies, Head Cases, Grand Designs, Come Dine With Me, The News.

When the man in my bed is sweating, gasping for breath, grasps me tightly, screams my name and looks deep into my eyes.., then I know that I've removed the pillow too soon! LOL

MUSIC: U2, Kanye West, Amy Winehouse, Black Eyed Peas, Scooter, GNR, Prodigy, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Pink Floyd, Scissor Sisters, Coldplay, Reggae, Rock, Club, Dance, some classical, ethnic traditional music, Hardcore (the music NOT the porn!). Yeah!

IT'S YOUR PHEROMONES...YOUR HIGH TESTOSTERONE LEVELS OOZE FROM YOUR EVERY PORE...
I FIND IT I R R E S I S T I B L E ... BUT IF IT AIN'T THERE, IT AIN'T THERE; KNOW WOT I MEAN! AM I BOVVERED? DO I LOOK BOVVERED?

SORRY: swearing, bad manners, moaners, wimps, long hair, dreadlocks, facial hair/stubble, dyed hair, body piercings, trannies, chavs and paunches are all turn-offs!

Man tells doctor: "I've got hereditary diarrhoea!" The doctor replies: "diarrhoea isn't hereditary!" the man replies: "It IS hereditary, it's in my jeans!" He then tells the doc that he has had regular bowel movements every day @ 7 am for 10 years but the problem is that he doesn't wake up until 8am!!! LOL

OK RARELY DOES ANYONE READ THIS FAR! PITY, AS THIS NORMALLY REVEALS SOMETHING ABOUT THEMSELVES! TO KNOW ME, YOU SHOULD HAVE READ MY PROFILE A FEW TIMES AS I USUALLY ASK QUESTIONS!!!

I'll meet you (after lots of emails and eventually phone calls - NOT JUST TEXTS!) somewhere on neutral ground. Perhaps a few drinks in a bar to gain "Dutch courage!" and maybe progress onto dinner! Please just be your natural self. AND IF THERE'S GENUINE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN US...!

The end is in sight!!!
Congratulations for reading this far.
The sequel is with my publisher.
Happy Fishing!

!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!??????
Put this on your profile if you ever pulled a door that says "push!"
In other words; did you ever think that you had pulled and then
realised that you had pushed a bit too hard?