Forgive me as I just copy and paste my somespamsite description: Who am I? I am both a 12 year-old-boy and yet an 83 year-old-woman. I have both a superiority complex and tremendous self-esteem issues. I love cheese. All kinds of cheese. I once had a goat follow me onto my schoolbus. I'll kiss a lizard but I won't drink from your glass of water. I have both the world's best and worst music collection. Blowing up balloons makes me feel like passing out. I don't like the Family Guy. I've seen Weird Al Yankovic twice in concert. As an adult. I feel everything British is better than anything anything else. My ability to use chopsticks is limited at best. I dream sometimes about kittens. I have more crap than you and all your friends combined do at my house. I can't figure out if I'm disgusted or sexually attracted to Iggy Pop. I have a plastic head of Hulk Hogan on the floor of my car.

Who the hell are you? Well, I hope to god you're not a Republican. It would be great if you had an eclectic love of music and an extensive, yet useless, knowledge of pop culture. You not only CAN read, but you LIKE to. You're neither racist, homophobic, nor have a particular attachment to gender stereotypes. You like nature more than concrete. You may or may not like knock-knock jokes. You don't own a sportscar or Hummer. You're creative. Sort of. You're not a businessman. If you have magical powers and use them for good, that's a plus. And, in the name of the infant Christ child, you're funny.

Hey--doesn't even have to be a date. Here's a list of the types of people I can use in my life: *traditional date-types *friends to do stuff with *creative collaborators *travel companions *muses *teachers *penpals *wealthy patrons or people who I don't have actual interchanges with, but who will send me money and gifts anyway.

If it is a first date? Well, I like anything that's quiet enough for an actual conversation and bizarre enough to have a lot of random visuals to comment on. Like a trip to DinoWorld. Or the Elvis is Alive Cafe.