Yea, so I'm brian. I was born a poor black child and now im a superhero by night and normal person by day. Dont tell anyone please. I have about 50 prison tats. I killed a man in 'nam.

I always pour one out for my homies. I'm pretty much the smartest person I know, I'm not gonna lie... I invented the hot pocket. If you shoot me, it won't kill me. It will just make me angry.

Madonna has asked me out numerous times. I keep having to turn her down. She's too clingy. Chuck norris ain't got s*** on me. If I were an ice cream flavor, I would be f****** delicious!

I wrote all of the stones's hits. "danger" is my middle name. We pronounce it dan-gurr, though.

I love to surf and really into music. Im on some mad quest to find "the one", so if any ladies think they can fit the bill well come on down (no pun meant by that).

I love writing music the lyric side of it anyway. I can play a mean spoon boy let me tell you. Anything that has to do with water and a board works for me.

Oh yeah, I should have listen to my mom and took piano lessons. Kids listen to your parents they know what there talking about. Oh and brush your teeth.

Right now im just trying to live and be me. I don't have time to finish telling you how awesome I am, so you're just going to have to make up the rest on your own.

Im just sick of the games. If you want something real and true then here I am. Oh, and read this no pic no talk. A monkey could put a pic on here and you can too.

Anyway..........I hope you people can take a joke. Relax and learn how to laugh and while im here just telling you how great I am......Im going to tell you a few things that I want for christmas this year. Get your pen and paper out ladies.....Here goes.......

1. 25 million dollars.

2. A subscription to people.

3. A giant robot that I can drive around inside his head, and four more giant robots for each of my friends, so we can have fun fights out on a football field somewhere for the enjoyment of others. Make sure the interior of the heads is made of nerf or something nerf-like so when we fall over it won't be too painful. I don't want to get racked by some other-wordly gear shift, or have the imprint of a bio-defibrilator on the side of my face for weeks.

4. Invisibility.

5. Because I'm a giving guy, I'd like to remove farrah fawcett's anal cancer. And if there's some giant karmic machinery we're all a part of and it has to go somewhere, then please put it into lindsay lohan. I'm just saying, only if you have to.

6. A dog, but could he have mechanical arm and leg extensions so he can drive places, and robotic opposable thumbs to open cans and stuff. Also, if a stranger comes into the house and moves too quickly, instead of running under a bed, my puppy can just grab tightly onto the stranger's neck and tear his thorax out. But does this have to count for one of my things since it's actually my dog who would be the true beneficiary? It does? Well, okay, then, make this the last gift I get. I'd rather lindsay lohan get colon cancer (but, you know, only if she has to).

7. I'd like to guest star on 24 for six episodes as someone even more hardcore and cooler than jack bauer. I'm sort of a mercenary type, with, like, a scar down the side of my face. At first I'm seemingly evil, but, little by little, it's revealed that I'm working to take down the same people as jack bauer! My character and jack bauer work together and destroy their evil plans!! When we're done, jack bauer feels like it's his duty to take me in because I've got like eighty-something warrants against me, but when he goes to arrest me, I'm gone. My character is able to disappear into the shadows like batman, and everyone's like "wha!"

8. World peace.

9. Oh, no! George w. Bush has just sh*thimself on stage in front of everyone. This is a tragedy! He looks like an idiot in front of the whole world!

10. An enormous jug of mnms.

11. No more ing email messages from people trying send me millions of dollars from nigeria.

12. I saw an ad for that new squirtable sweet tarts. It sounds like the greatest thing ever! Thanks to the dudes for inventing it! I mean, I know some poor confectionary-candy-company-employee who will never get a cut of the profits himself actually "invented" it but you "the man" is the one who really invented it by putting the idea in his head, right? He doesn't really deserve a cut! Screw that guy and his griping. He and his four kids and his alimony-obsessed pill-popping ex-wife can go suck it! I'll take twelve boxes.

13. Did I say that squeezable sweet tart stuff? I did? Okay, then: x-ray vision.

14. A ps3. Not that wussy wii either.

15. Am I pushing it by having cheney shoot another guy in the face this year? I'm not? That's a gift for you too?!! Wow! Fantastic!

16. Please can you make more crazy catholic and christian people come out of the gay-bashing closet in 2007?

Cool.


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here is what I got last year.

1. Gloves
2. Gloves
3. Dandruff shampoo (I am not ****ing kidding, and no I do not have a dandruff problem)
4. Gloves
5. Statue of 2 black people hugging
6. Gloves (yeah, seriously. Four pairs of gloves.)
7. Carol king cd

Hmmmmm theres really so many things you can do on a "First" date....I guess I go with the moment or however I feel on that day. Maybe a picnic...