I am looking for a rich guy to support me and my 7 kids. I have missing teeth, natty hair, and i sometimes forget to shower. I first got pregnant when i was 13, I know, I was young, but this guy, who was 52, swept me off my feet, with money of course, so i HAD to put out. I am currently looking to purchase a grill, to make my missing/yellow/broken teeth look better, I promise, If you buy them for me, I will totally have your love child (but then again i heard no teeth= better blow job). It would also be a plus if you knew how to cook, all i can cook is Kraft Dinner, but it actually turns out to be noodle soup, meh the kids love it.
Oh for the record, I am not sure who my 4th babys daddy is, i think he was chinese, but my memory is a bit fuzzy, I think he gave me the date rape drug, Oh well, i got more money from welfare for having the child anyway, SCORE FOR ME!

So right now I live in a trailer, with 2 beds, the kids just sleep on the floor, they like it that way.
I am really hoping to find a really rich guy, so that I could live in a house, with running water, instead of having to piss in a bucket. For that matter, I would like to use toilet paper again one day, I am running out of leaves. But it has to be the soft kind, my ass is quite sore from using leaves/random objects/running my ass along the grass like a dog.

I do stay home full time with my kids, because I cannot afford daycare, besides i'm too lazy to work, and my welfare check only comes once a month, i'd rather spend the money on more important things, such as crack. Sometimes if i feel like doing something for my kids, I take them to Zellers and let them ride in that swing thing, you know as soon as you walk in the doors, that stupid ride, goes round in circles, sometimes i let them do it twice!


I would like to get married right away, skip the coffee date, go straight to city hall and get the papers signed.
BUT, I promise you, after a year, I will want to get a divorce and take you for half of what your worth.
I've done that 3 times now, it's a really easy way to make money, but i blew it all on crack. So now it's time for round 4, are you game?


For free tickets, please write to the Maury Show at:
15 Penn Plaza
The Grand Ballroom
New york, NY
10001

I will always be able to keep you on your toes. You will never know what will come out of my mouth next. I can pretty much take anything, and make it perverted.
And I am quick with comebacks!
(pun intended)

Live in Canada
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