Thats right I was looking at your profile. Doesn't mean squat other than I was looking at your profile, or DOES IT?
Small hint: Firstly here for the Forums/conversation, secondly here for the friends, anything else is gravy.. Please read the novel below before sending a message. It helps us both not waste our time on here.
What am I looking for? Ideally a Personal trainer that would work with me daily for either blow jobs or cookies. Seriously. I need to tone down the thunder in my thighs.
But since it says friends up there, I think one can have many different types of friends for many purposes...as follows:
Anyone that wants to hang out and keep the talking about our kids conversation to under 50%.. I'm in. I have 3 myself so although I appreciate it is hard no to go on & on about them.. lets try shall we?
Men that want insight into what the hell your GF/wife is thinking.. I'm good at that too.
Women that want someone to give an outside opinion on what exactly he's done wrong this time? Again.. I'm soooo good at that.
My deviant side occasionally enjoys the pursuit of horizontal friends..but that's a different story altogether. I lead a pretty fancy sexlife, and it's better explained one on one.
I am not here to DATE, and I've exhausted myself trying to use this little space to explain my situation & I give up. Ask me & I'll go into great detail.
Shy is not a quality I possess! I have no problem getting my intentions understood, I hope you don't either. I am not shocked or offended by much.. so come do your worst. I find people quite often confuse shy with reserved. I'm a watcher. I take it all in then sort it out.
Typically I prefer the art of more subtle hints... I'm devious..seething...saucy...sarcastic with a nice smattering of smartassery
Am I flirting with you or just being funny? Or could it be both!?
I don't giggle, I laugh loudly and if you're particularly good.. I snort.
How can I explain this so you'll understand? I am one of those female friends that you could nail and I'd still be normal afterwards.
IF I chose to let it go that far, & I probably won't.
I'm also one of those female friends you can NOT NAIL and I'd be normal before & after. There is no agenda, no trap, no hoops to jump through.
I am simply here.. looking for some amusement.
I find guys easier to get along with than women, always have, always will.
I am a rare breed. I have no use for uncomfortable things and pointy shoes, unless it's getting me free drinks and potentially laid. I am practical, independent & borderline OCD. I bake, cook & sew, and can't help but be ticked off at the price people pay for food filled with crappy chemicals to save time. When I'm pissed off I clean.When I'm REALLY pissed off I beat the living crap out of a metal garbage can with a wooden baseball bat in my garage. Never tried it? It is THE ultimate stress reliever I swear!I have 4 brothers, I own 2 skirts, and a portion of my deceased fathers 80+ piece gun collection. Basically what you are getting is a tomboy with big tits.
I am also a big believer in the barter system..if there's something I can trade off for advice or services, I'm all over it like a fat kid on cake. Now boys, that in no way suggests that I'm answering my door in lingerie for some poor unsuspecting (or fully expecting) Repairman... although there was that furnace guy that one time...
Age & looks are relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of things, as I'm a firm believer that ugly comes from within. Local wins by default over long distance every time.
I'm comfortable with myself and expect the same....Attitude is key! It's how we get along that will determine how far this little adventure goes, because to be frank, if you don't do it for me mentally, we aren't doing anything. You will talk your way in, nothing else does it for me like a funny quick witted guy. I love an intelligent mind, coupled with a vicious streak, and a killer sense of humour. Sarcastic b@stards RULE!
I always use messenger (yahoo or msn) to get to know someone before deciding to meet, so if you don't have one of those.. I guess we aren't meeting. My work schedule has been a bit crazy lately, so patience on both our behalfs will be required.

DRINK BREAK!!congrats on making it this far
OK I buried the description down here at the bottom because I know not all you men read the profiles of women you message,but thats what you get for not reading and just oogling my pics.
Physical stuff:RED head currently, and in the past... although after the kids I must say my hair betrayed me and boarded the shitty auburn bus, so now I dye it the colour it used to be, and of course to cover the grey(started at 20). I don't understand the thing guys have for redheads.. I dyed my hair blonde for years to escape it.. now I just give up! As for the carpet matching the drapes...My house has dark stained hardwood floors and white plastic blinds.Hope that answers your question.
Green eyes (not that people look at my eyes first) and I wear glasses, unless I'm underwater or on my back.
I put BBW up there because they didn't have a 50+lbs overweight category. Thats right gentlemen..you read it correctly. Yes I'm fat, but I don't buy into the whole "fat acceptance" movement. I am not scooter material, and never will be. I live by the basic theory that you treat others in the way you wish to be treated yourself.Can I run a marathon? NO. Can I out-run 3 kids at the park? YES! I'm at a weird place right now, I injured myself with my rigorous workout schedule (ie broke my own feet) and am now trying to recover. I love the high workingout gave me and am eager to get back at it despite being that fat disheveled sweaty person in the gym no one will take a treadmill beside.Any workout tips are gladly taken!!!
Simple explanation: Currently one of my thighs is as big around as a supermodels waist, deal with it or move along. I don't need your negativity, but I appreciate the effort it took you to mash it out on your keyboard.

first date...awww so cute, they think you have to date to get laid....lol
Oh wait.. I take that back.If you buy me dinner that means I don't have to do the dishes or clean up or cook it for that matter.. BRING IT ON BABY!

Really any Adult conversation time I get is cherished like gold. If we go out to eat I don't expect you to pay for me, and I'll try to kill the urge to cut up your meat and lick my napkin to wipe some smooge off the side of your chin.

It has come to my attention that I need to explain my different levels of hierarchy so that I am not misunderstood (or unceremoniously dumped..ehem, yes i'm looking at YOU gary) on how I meet people. I have 3 kids, husband, dog, job and things to do. I do have 1 day off during the week (Wednesday), but that also happens to be the only day I can book medical or dental appts for me and any or all of the spawnlings. If I can't make time for you in a week then there's always next week. I tend to bleed for a whole week a month too, therefore making myself not much fun to poke/ be around, just in case you thought I was a weird breed of alien that didn't need a week off to clean the pipes.
Men that I'm meeting off here are literally at the bottom of the "things to do" list. Doesn't mean I don't want to.. I treat my established friends excellently, it just means that sometimes, I just can't get to you.
Accept your position or kindly move along to someone more accommodating & less busy & best of luck!