* To all the old ladies who view my profile over and over and over and over again and then when I try to start a conversation with you, you block me and ignore me... Please stop.... Either stop looking at my profile or stop being a weirdo.... Either one, it's your choice.... I'm trying to say hello, because I always see you looking at my profile and it seems like the courteous thing to do.... I know life is lonely, being old... You're probably sitting there with your walker close by, no doubt it comes complete with tennis balls on the legs.... Watching Andy Griffith reruns, admiring the flower print on your mumu and sucking on some hard candies - no doubt Werther's Originals.... But take the time to say hello, if I message you, otherwise I'm going to think you're some weirdo old lady... Which, more than likely, you are.... *

Now onto my profile....


Do normal girls exist??? Good Lord, I hope so. My friends warned me not to use the online thing to find someone to date. But seeing as how most of the girls I've met in real life, have been psycho, eh, I'll take my chances.

So about me... This is the part where I need my Morgan Freeman voice over guy to read all my accolades... I can hear him now ' Our young hero here, looking for love online, began his journey through life on a cold January afternoon in 1981. It was the type of cold that knifes through your skin like a sewing pin through warm butter... ' - You get the point... Ha, I just hate talking about myself, I really do need Morgan Freeman or James Earl Jones right here...

Anyways, I'm 26... I have a fulltime job, I own my own place and I own my own car, so what are you waiting for? I'll expect about 45 marriage proposals in, let's say, 5 minutes? I kid, I kid...

I'm a constant dreamer, I still say ' When I grow up, I wanna be... ' It's sorta ridiculous, but I'm an eternal kid at heart... I signed up for this thing, because I'm tired of going places by myself and getting the old ' creepy guy ' stare... I go to the movies alot, so much so that the ticket lady usually goes ' oh, you again? don't you have a girlfriend or something? ' ... It's pretty bad... Then I go in and sit by myself and people look at me like I'm deformed, all because I dare go to the movies alone, oh the shock and horror!...

This is where you come in... I'd like someone to go to the movies with, so I don't get the ' what a creep ' stare, I'd like someone to go to eat with, I'd like someone to have over and to watch all my goofball movies with... You don't have to actually like them, but if you fake laugh or fake enthusiasm, You'll be my best friend for like ever and it can even be like REALLY evident you're faking it, I'd still be happy...

I'm not here for ' casual hookups ' .. I'm not into one night stands, I'm not into free sex, I'm not into crazy people offering up their wives, so they can watch.. I'm here to try to make some connection with someone and form a really cool bond between us.. I know that sounds really cheesy, and honestly I just rolled my eyes when I went back and re-read it, but it's true.. I'm tired of the games, I'm tired of the drama, I'm tired of the ' me-first ' attitudes... I'm just ready for someone to knock on my door and walk in wearing a ' I'm pretty awesome and we should probably hang out ' tshirt. I said I was a kid at heart earlier, and I meant it.. I collect comic books, action figures, I watch cartoons, I love Star Wars and I have my friends convinced that I'm a superhero, they humor me, but it's sweet... But at the same time, I can be mature, I multi-task pretty well.

Couple of interesting tidbits about me, before you are done reading :

- I usually sit with old people if I go out to eat who are sitting by themselves, to me that's the saddest thing in the entire world

- I actually love the color pink and don't own a Cher CD, imagine that! Although I have a penchant for Jason Mraz

- I have to wash all the clothes I buy before I wear them, I mean, you never know who tried it on before you, some person with leprosy could have!

- I buy those air fresheners that spray on a timer, I'm sorta addicted to them

- I won ' Little League Good Sport of the Year ' in 1993

- I consider Kevin Smith to be my personal hero

- I make independent films and no! that does not mean porn!

- I read alot!

- I don't separate the word 'alot ' - i think ' lot ' has separation issues..

- I own my own house and car, therefore there's no embarassing moments of hanging out with my parents or bumming rides from you

- I've never stepped foot into a nightclub or bar - it's not my style, that being the style of not having people of all sexes dry hump me as I try to have conversations by screaming at the top of my lungs to someone 2 inches from my face

- I've never been to strip club and I'm not gay... I generally think stepping one foot inside the door of a strip club automatically infects you with herpes and tons of other nasty STD's

- I have a peter pan like complex. I'm a child in a grown man's body. I know this will automatically turn some of you away from this ad, but that's good, who needs you anyways you stuck up asses, gah!

- I'm not all about sex, I mean, yeah sex is fun and cool and stuff, but promiscuous sex is stupid and trashy and don't come crawling to me begging me for the cure for whatever STD is making your genitalia fall off, do I look like a Lab Tech?!


Anyways, if you read all of that and still are here, hi! and this is the part where you send me an email....

It would be awkward, because I'd have to spend the whole date fighting you off from humping me on the spot... I kid, I kid.... Let's see, first date.... I'm about conversations, so we'd probably go get something to eat, where I would stare at you while you ate, to make you uncomfortable, but it would break the tension a bit... Then we'd go for a walk, to talk some more... Then we'd go to a bookstore where I would tell you to go pick out 5 books that titles describe what you think of me so far.... Then I'd do the same with you... Then we'd go find some hidden treasure!!