I'm very passionate about being dispassionate. They say that time heals all wounds. Except decapitation. That shit's permanent. I'm a sucker for a nice pair of tits. This profile is ribbed for your pleasure. I think horses that ride in trailers are lazy. I'm way more cuddlier than I look. I make 8-track mix tapes for my friends, but they never listen to them.

I flunked out of mime college for speaking. I was going to be the world's first talking mime. I want to be a chef. I hate cooking, but I have a tall white hat fetish. I am easily the most humble person you will ever meet. I do bikram pilates. I've been described as "saucy" but only by me. I like reptiles. I'm the only Christian abortionist outside of the Vatican. I'm a misanthropic sociopath, or is it a sociopathic misanthrope? I forget, and I'm too apathetic to care. I don't believe in POF - not that I think it won't work, but that I don't think it really exists. My friends say I'm indecisive, but I don't know...

I like wrong number phone sex and short walks on the beach. I think it's time that fan dancing made a comeback. I have the uncanny ability to memorize things that don't matter and not the things that do. I like Tai Chi, and Chai Tea. A few years ago I conquered the world, but drank too much at the after party, and when I came to, the world had taken itself back. dang. I've been described as "disarmingly intelligent" but only by the voices inside my head. I'm a punctual procrastinator. I juggled gas-powered chainsaws. Once. I thought that I think too much, but then I thought otherwise. I'm a chronic insomniac. I've been "told" that I "over-use" "air quotation marks" and double barrel "you're awesome." being awesome is so overrate, i just stick to being cool.

Recently my left testicle started getting cok-key, so I shaved the right one just to show the left one what could happen to it. I frequently offend those who are easily offended, and those who are not. No one would ever call me politically correct. However, many have called me a jerk, a bass-turd, rude, insensitive, irreverent, a***-hole, clod, the defendant, etc. My favorite saying is "You go girl!" I use it frequently in conversations with my biotches.

Sometimes I slip myself some roofies before I jack off, so that when I awaken, I'll think I got some action. I like animals. No, I love animals. I love them so much, that I wish they could be inside of me. So I eat them. yum. I'm still wondering where Noah put the woodpeckers on the arc? I like masturbating during confession so I can kill two birds with one stone. The Catholic priests like it too. I think about you when I masturbate. I'm afraid of the dark. And the light. I think judgemental people are stupid. Chicks dig me. I spent 48 hours in county on a 5150 for being cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

let's hope I left nothing out