First and foremost, if your first email to me includes your phone number, "let's meet for a drink", or your "package size" you will be discounted immediately! I am well aware that this is a dating site. Seriously guys, c'mon! Is it just me? Am I too old school? If I am incorrect, please inform me.

I am very upfront and sarcastic but am never deliberately cruel. When you ask me a question, be prepared for an honest answer.

LIFE'S JOURNEY IS NOT TO ARRIVE AT THE GRAVE SAFELY IN A WELL PRESERVED BODY, BUT RATHER TO SKID IN SIDEWAYS TOTALLY WORN OUT, SHOUTING "HOLY COW...WHAT A RIDE!!!"

I will NOT tolerate liars. (thieves, drunks and cheaters, I can deal with) Figured out that I am sarcastic? Also, I tend to swear A LOT. Seems to get worse as I age. It usually only comes out while driving. I think it's standard issue at the DMV. I'm never obnoxious though. I do know how to behave like a lady and do so, most of the time. I am an incredible flirt which goes along with my incredible sense of humor. I don't offend easily. I do, however, have a serious side which I have to display five days a week. The other two days, game on!!

If you like flirty and sarcastic, read on!

TO SAVE YOU SOME TIME:
I am not perfect. I am, in fact, PERFECTLY IMPERFECT. I am NOT the girl next door. I say that because one tends to think of them as cute and quiet. Quiet I am not. I am not a model, nor have I ever played one on T.V.. I am not petite nor am I obese. There is nothing tight and perky on my body. Gravity is not my friend. I do not have body piercings other than my ears. I do not have any tats, I have stretchmarks!

IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME AT MY WORST, YOU DON'T DESERVE ME AT MY BEST

MORE RANDOM TIDBITS:
I could conform and say that I love walks on the beach, romantic dinners, oh, and my fav, "I'm down-to-earth", blah blah blah. I could also say I'm honest, loyal, generous, kind, caring, lovable, reliable, devoted, etc.. TAKE THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW ME and you'll realize that I have all these qualities and I have MUCH to offer. I believe in giving 110% to the person I am with. If you or I can't give that, our time is being wasted.

You'll also realize that I'm an in-your-face kind of person. I've always been like that. What you see is what you get. I'm a shoot from the hip kinda gal. I don't play games. I'm too old for that BS nor can I tolerate much of it. I love to have fun and LOVE to make people laugh, HENCE THIS PROFILE. It's not meant to offend. I AM SARCASTIC, NOT ARROGANT. Yes, I like romance, a lot. I like girlie stuff, a lot. I like most sports, GO GIANTS! Although, I am now an observer and not a participant. I'm a pretty good cook (I'm Greek and Polish...I can't cook for two but I can cook for 20 with my eyes closed!). I HATE to clean, but I do it. I am a bit of an insomniac. Thus, I ADORE naps. I'm a touchy-feely person. Yet, I like my space. I don't judge others. I'm unorganized. I am a lover, not a fighter. Although I can truly appreciate a heated debate. I VALUE FAMILY AND FRIENDS. I DIG PDA's. Communication is KEY with me. I believe in self-improvement on any level. I often put others before myself.

I can be your best friend but I will never be your worst enemy.

NOTE: If any of the following apply to you, you are most likely not what I am seeking. HOWEVER, I WILL NOT DISCOUNT YOU. I RESPOND TO ALL EMAILS. In no particular order:

1. You own and frequently wear any camouflage garment and you are not current/prior military
2. You own any NASCAR memoribilia. I'm a Yankee, NASCAR to me is southern for "Nice Car"
3. You take your teeth out at night
4. Your ex lives in your basement, garage apartment, or RV in the backyard
5. Your mother lives in your basement, garage apartment, or RV in the backyard
6. You live in the basement, garage apartment, or RV in the backyard of your mother
or ex
7. You refuse to buy tampons
8. You don't know the difference between there, their, they're, your, and you're
9. You still think "pull my finger" is hilarious
10. You're young enough to date my daughter, she's 23
11. Your hair looks better than mine
12. You found this profile offensive

This list will be updated as needed. Check back often. (LAUGH PEOPLE!)

You've made it this far, say hello!

First date? Sit in separate cars at the drive-in in case I need to make a speedy exit. KIDDING!

We all know that first dates can be awkward. I'd be up for anything fun and simple, where we both can relax and get to know each other. I might talk your ear off. However, I do not like a movie as a first date. You can't speak and get to know one another. So, someplace quiet where we can engage in great conversation. Although I am a romantic, I do not like highly romantic first dates. Those are almost creepy.