Updated 7/25/2008 - Today started out dark. I was scared and hugged Polly Prissy Pants my stuffed animal to my chest. In the darkness I could hear noises of impending doom and smell the Grim Reaper that gave off a scent of Britney Spears' newest perfume, "Stanky: Strong Enough For Death But Worn By Women Of Questionable Character Like Paris Hilton"

In the darkness I could see the Grim Reaper moving towards my bed and it whispered, "I like your "Jackson Five" PJs. Why don't you take them off?" in a gravely voice. I shivered upon hearing those words. I asked myself, "Why would the Reaper want me to take my PJs off? Why do I still wear PJs to bed? Does President Bush wear PJs to bed or does he just go commando? Why do I dress up my stuffed animal & rubber ducky in PJs before going to bed? How did the planet Uranus get named and should the person or people who named it be shot? Why am I asking myself all these questions when the Reaper has appeared before me?" Those were the tough questions that went through my mind as I was confronted by the Grim Reaper.

I said to the Reaper, "No, I'm a very gentle and sensitive. Plus, we just met." in a scared voice that sounded like Urkel from the TV sitcom that went on too long called, "Family Matters"

The Reaper laughed like an old man that had drank too much Ensure and smoked too many cigarettes in his life. It replied back, "Do it! You can do it! Just do it! Do it now, Man Whore! I command you or I'll take you to Hell where they roast man whores for dinner then cuddle with them."

Then I noticed something about the Reaper. He was wearing, "My Little Pony" fuzzy slippers. What did the Reaper need with these slippers for Death doesn't need to worry about cold feet. So I trusted my man whore like instincts and shot the Grim Reaper with my "Don't Tase Me Bro!" taser gun that is endorsed by the women from "The View" as they like to tase each other when not on the air.

The Reaper fell to the ground in pain and whimpered. This was not the Reaper! I leaped from my bed and knelt down by the shaking body of the Reaper. I pulled back its hood and revealed its horrible face that looked like David Hasselhoff. Then I touched its skin and it felt like rubber. It was a mask! My man whore instincts were right!

I pulled off the mask to reveal the true identity of this impostor and it was..............................................................................

* Due to technical difficulties caused by the storm called, "Rosie O'Donnell" this posting has been interrupted and we at Plenty Of Fish wish this poster could be banned from posting future postings. Unfortunately, his lawyer "Samuel L. Jackson" is very good and threatened to kill us. Samuel L. Jackson said and I quote, "I'll rain death down on your asses! When I'm done, you'll wish I put a cap in your asses when I'm done with all of you!" So we had no choice but to allow the demented postings of this man whore. Now we return you back to the posting that is currently in progress.

So that is how I defeated this fake Grim Reaper with the assistance from Pippy Long Stockings and the Smurfs (Except for Brainy Smurf since he's a real pain.).

So what else occurred today? I went to work and we had a going away lunch for one of our co-workers. I left work at noon today since I was there at 4 AM. Then I came home and danced by the pool to "Love In A Elevator" by Aerosmith in my "SUPERBAD!" speedos.

Next I went to bed after the Cops told me to stop dancing in my speedo by the pool as it makes the people in the apartment complex want to puke. I slept for three hours.

Now I'm doing laundry and writing this ridiculous posting as I listen to the cat people next door to me. Soon I will reach my breaking point then I will tase them. It's a great stress reliever and I'm keeping America clean.

Thinking about my weekend. If I get enough sleep tonight, I'll head to Wilcox for the peach festival in the morning. I shall dress up as a Peach and walk around to my theme song, "Peach Gangsta Lovin" by The Fruit Of The Looms Gangstas.

Now I bid you farewell!

As always....Stay classy, Arizona! Don't forget to vote for "Jake Steel: Man Whore Of The Future" for President.

* Tonight's song is "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry.

It reminds me when I kissed a girl and I liked it. Then she called the Cops on me. Do you know how hard it is to run from the Cops in a Panda outfit?

Listed below are the lyrics.

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

I'd like to meet somewhere neutral like Switzerland. Just go out and have some fun be yourself.

-----///\\-----Please
----///-\\\----Put This
---|||---|||---On Your
---|||---|||---Profile If
---|||---|||---You Know
----\\\-///----Someone
-----\\///-----Who's
------///\-----Battled
-----///\\\----Cancer
----///--\\\---

In remembrance of my Mother that passed away Oct. 1997.

Female
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
Must not do drugs
Must not be married