Ok, so you're looking for a diamond in the rough, you're telling me you've lost your ring on the golf course again?
Since everyone likes to tell how their friends would describe them... the one of mine that was visiting this weekend would probably say, after watching me chasing the coral snake all over my back porch with a little stick and a bucket wearing shorts and sandals, as a little weird.
I had an epiphony today, i realised that I think to women a man is like monsters under the bed, they keep looking for them and hope they never find one

Online dating's tough, don't you wish profiles had
warning labels saying don't even do this and you'd better do that, don't ask this, do ask that... I have learned never joke with anyone who writes "looking for someone with a sense of humor" on their profile.

One person hates to type, the next wants to type forever...phone, no phone, meet, don't meet...
Makes you wish you could do the Vulcan Mind Meld just to get a checklist of do's and don't's

Living Will
Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her,
'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
She's such a ****.....

It's so dry in Texas , that the Baptists are starting to
baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the
Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.

I guess we should go look for that diamond you lost in the rough on the golf course