I like long walks on the beach. Candlelight, sunsets, waking up in each other arms. I enjoy cleaning, cooking, raising children, gardening, flea markets, antiques, spending time with family and friends. I am motivated and have my own money. I dont like games.
I AM LOOKING FOR:
Someone to make me feel whole. Like I have 2 arms and two legs and a head. I want a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Someone to cook and clean for. I really like guys that are poor dirty and drunk and like to beat woman. I really enjoy spending my days watching soaps and Nascar with my man. I like to make him little wienies with cheese whiz during football season. I want to find someone with no job, lots of debt, and babies he never sees or pays for. I really like guys that can burp loud like me and if you like to fart and light them on fire thats a plus too. The perfect guy would be a mix between Al Bundy, Ted Bundy, Homer Simpson...umm OJ Simpson..Clinton.
HAD ENOUGH BS?
******UPDATE***** we now have car and smarts....I have had this profile up for a while. Since the Lot Lizard and Not-For-You days. I have even been trailertrashh. If you want to get to know someone read the damn profile then the posts. Dont email me with my profile is to long then...ya wanna chat sexy! I am not here for you to look at then try to get down my pants bozo.

I should say here I have sold my truck. It was a v-10 and the gas prices got to me. I did get a brand new computer with Vista which was not a smart choice. Vista is the new program after XP and if I have lost you totally then maybe you should just click next profile. Vista blows...Not compatible with anything and I spent more time on the phone with tech then doing work so that is todays rant!

1 vehicle and a little samtrs a$$. Back to the old profile...........

I cant even get through these questions without laughing my butt off! Do I own a car?? If you really want to get that personal on my profile I have 2 vehicles. A car and a truck but the real question should be "Is your car paid for?"

Married, living together, prefer not to say...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?

How can you be an occasional smoker? Either you do or you dont. Sometimes I quit for a few years then sometimes I pick up the habit. I know its stinky and gross and I feel better when I dont. I will be quitting in a few weeks again. I do after every inpatient because smoking is illegal in hospitals haha. I dont plan on picking them up again.

Do you do drugs? Yes I am crossing the border into Mexico right now to sell 12 kilos on the black market and buy my jet. Oh forgot I have a place in the Ozarks. Making some crystal meth in my shed "Hey pass the liquid draino!" Does Keppra, topamax, primdone count?

Now how about rating the drinkers. Do you get violent? Loving? Jealous? Drink til you puke? Get smashed on every payday? Drink 2 days a month? Busch or Merlot? I dont.

Religion? Where is the Atheist? I am an Atheist!! I dont push my beliefs dont push yours. I have a dear friend of 15 years that is a Roman Catholic Priest and I was raised in the church BUT I love a good educated debate. You better have read your bible like I have if you dare thump it!!

My income? Why? Why not just ask what my credit pulls. Experion, Trans Union, Equifax that would show everything. Mortgages, loans, revolving credit etc.

I can come up with better questions? Do you have any genital piercings? OMG! Doing that to a face is strange enough but umm...wow...I have seen some pictures and these kids nowadays think they are a part of a African tribe. Go to a bar and start asking the 20 somethings. They are even proud to show it off! Oh I guess thats not really the kind of question guys should be asking guys hahahahaha

Some of you guys have actually emailed me to b1tch about my profile saying it doesnt say anything about ME! Here is as personal as I will get. I have a collection in my bathroom. Its of strange feminine hygiene products. It starts with the mild display of the OB tampons. They dont have an applicator. You must use your finger to insert...GROSS!! Then moving along I have the organic tampons. Not sure why they are organic except the cotton was grown organically. Like that makes a dif. Then we have the newest product. INSTEAD! Use instead of pads or tampons. Insert and the blood is collected in a cup like device. Now the things us women can do with a blood collector hahahahaha. Then I have a variety of regular tampons which now support "Box tops for education" yes drop them off at your local schools for credit. And my most prized possesion is....GLAD RAGS! Reusable pads for women safe simple and smart. Just drop them in the washing machine. So who needs their laundry done??
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Boy: Dad, what's politics?
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?
Boy: I still don't understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son.

That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him.

The next day...

Son: Dad I understand politics now.
Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.
Son: The management is screwing the working class while the government's fast asleep.
The people are being ignored and the future is full of SH1T!

You will not be having a date with me sorry fellas....:(
Caution:
If you wear your feelings on your sleeve do not I repeat DO NOT email me. I will unintentionally hurt your feeling with my crude jokes and sarcasm! I must be taken with a grain of salt, pepper, Mrs. Dash...Valium, etc. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!
EMAIL RESTRICTIONS
You must be between the ages of 1-1000 (I dont care when your parents screwed)
You can live anywhere you want I only reply when I have time...Its my world!
You can be any color your parents made you (are you sure you know who they are!!)
You can be fat or skinny but if you are really fat you better clean between the rolls so they dont stink.
You can be short or tall what does it matter it is just through a computer....right?

If you write have something interesting to say to me! As you can see I have alot to discuss. If you say dumb things like below.... then how is a girl to respond? You better give me something to reply back to and make it good...ha ha har har hee hee hoo ho
STUPID EMAILS:
"If you ever want to hookup for some fun let me know, your HOT!!"
"LOVE YOUR PROFILE! YOUR FUNNY AS SH1T!"
"hi i love your profile!!! and you are gorgous!!!!"
"like to see if you like to talk"
"What's up with you?"
"whats up tonight."
"My girlfriend and i are seeking a beautiful fun clean sexual woman to go out with and have some fun one night and see how things go, I was checking out your profile and wondering if you would be interested?"
"Wanna chat?"
"HOW ARE YOU I,M XXXX HEY YOU ARE SO HOT AND PRETTY"
"HI,HOW ARE YOU.XXXXXX FROM CHICAGO"
"hi there ,,would u like to chat with me"
"hey,hows it going."
"Cute pic. XXXX"
"u would like to no more about you my name is XXXX"
"HOW ARE YOU PRETTY I,M XXXX NICE SMILE"
"You have quite the interesting profile LOL,"
"Very CUTE"
"Your funny.........lol"
"Hey beautiful want to chat"
"HOW ARE YOU"
Just fondling the forums and picking up stray women and children on the highway. No Dates No Sex No Marriage No Babies Mama Here!!