I monitor the frozen food section of grocery stores, looking for battered fish and providing them with a home where they need fear no longer...

I was soft spoken, until I put Viagra in my lip balm...

I am currently conducting research to explain why a "Drivers Education" manual is available in braille...

I like to go into Catholic bookstores and ask where their non-fiction section is.

Some say that vegetarians choose their diet because they love animals too much to kill them for food. I disagree. I think it's because they have a deep rooted hatred of plants.

The bible says on the seventh day, god rested. Am I the only person who finds it slightly disturbing that 'he' gets tired?

I'm currently lobbying government to enact a law that prevents Christians from becoming born-again

What am I looking for? Well, you know, it's kind of hard to really see the point of saying "someone smart, funny, beautiful, with a laugh that lights up a room and a smile that could melt diamonds"...I mean, who isn't? You don't see many people with "I'm looking for a dumb, somber, ugly person with a laugh that sounds like a donkey having an epileptic fit and a smile that could break glass." Let's just leave it at 'no expectations, and no disappointments'.