My requirements:

Do have pictures of you with other men’s arms around you! This is a must for me. Sorry ladies, that’s my one requirement. I love that and I won't compromise my standards. (I don't care if his face is MacPainted out or not.)

Boob shots. Just blatant shots of your cleavage (please make sure you just came from your Mystic Tan too) and you with pursing lips, in some really sexy hands-on-your-hips pose with your butt popping out. Cubs hat gets extra "You...turn...me...ON!" points.

You must be a “fun-loving” girl. Please make sure to write those exact words in your profile! I hate non “fun-loving” women.

Please, "play games." I WANT and LOVE mind-game playing women and can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want that?! I have to make the statement right now, I PLAY GAMES. Extensive, manipulative and twisted mind games.

Do love Cubs games and going to the beach in the summer! It’s a rarity if I find a girl with those eccentric tastes. I’m kind of eccentric myself. I like to eat food.

Oh, and I TOTALLY relate to your screening guys based on looks, money and not getting the hint if you don’t reply to their messages or IMs. Ugh! I get that too! I hate that sometimes...I’m just the best freaking thing ever. I mean, I know it sounds vain, but look at us, right? We’re awesome, so no one really understands all the effort it takes to delete well thought out PMs from guys and girls who are probably great, but just not up to our self-centered expectations.

Gosh, I hope you’re out there. We would look so hot walking down the street together. Everyone would want to be us.

(So, if there are guys out there that approach and try to talk to that girl up there...I'm the opposite of that guy. That's my about me.)

God forbid anyone NOT like the above try to contact me. I might actually meet someone different and interesting.

Seeing as how its the summer here in Chicago, we'd go on a picnic. I have some ideas as to where, the lake, this park I always pass but never go to because I have no one take. What would we eat? Don't know. I'd pick you up and we'd go shopping together. I'll bring the basket and blanket.

Shoes off, feet on the grass...BIG blanket. Talk, eat...talk some more. Notice dusk as it approaches. Feel it get colder together.

At that point, you probably "made plans with a girlfriend" that you decided to cancel because you want to spend some more time with me that evening. It's okay. Your friend doesn't mind because you never really had plans. It was just an out you planned in case I was ugly, boring or a total creep. Seems I'm not, so we'll go somewhere else for a coffee, ice cream, a drink.

After that I guess we'll end the date. I only kiss on the first date after hours of endless begging and pleading. A non-stop shower of creative compliments, and claims that you'd never be the same woman again after having met me will do just fine. Then a first kiss I would do.

Live in United States
Live within 75 miles.
Must not do drugs
Must not be married