I am fat, out of shape and lazy. I'm recently divorced and have a psychotic ex-wife who likes to follow me around and drop in unexpectedly at inopportune times. If you can get me off the couch, you're a miracle worker. Potato chips, sugar, steak and salt are my 4 food groups.

My idea of a great day is to get up early (if sleeping at all) watch the sun come up, eat some bacon and then go to a park and vicariously be active. At the end of the day, I like to watch the stars and often contemplate the meaning of life. Ohhhhmmmmmmmmm………

Once in a while, I think about exercising but it makes me tired so I try to stay away from it. If you like to laugh, maybe you'll like me. If you are serious and can't laugh at yourself, I won't like you...or your little dog! Does any of this make you say to yourself: "Geez, I wish I had this guy's phone number so I could just skip all the preamble and call him now!" If so, you're my kind of girl. (Or, you should have your head examined...by a professional head examiner...who specializes in blunt trauma to the head)

Believe me?

Enter a hot-dog eating contest. Go watch auditions for a Barbershop Quartet. Maybe a day-trip to a grain elevator; or anything equally as interesting that offers a quick-escape route.