Did you know that you can point to any item in the Sears catalog and somebody wants to sleep with it? ;) (Sorry - just thought I would share that.)

So here's the drill: Just looking to make friends. Hang out here and there. Maybe date. I never seem have time for anything more serious. Not that I'm opposed. I rarely date over 45 and prefer men who are younger than I am. Not that if you happen to be older we couldn't be friends, date, or more. More of an attitude/baggage thing than not. I have much younger friends that have more carry on than Paris Hilton if you get my drift.

If you don't have a picture on this site please attach one. Thanks! Ooohhh...and if you don't live in Colorado Springs please be willing to come my way for an initial meeting then we can take it from there. ;) You know...the 'scratch and sniff' thing.

If you're requesting a chat please don't start with 'Hi!' immediately followed by 'Are you wearing underwear?' What part of my profile states that I have an undergarment fetish? If you do, keep it to yourself please! At least for the time being. Oh, and NO, I don't want to share pictures of my body parts with you.

Also - NO I will not come over to your place without meeting you previously nor will I invite you to my home for ANY reason. Drinks, movie, hot-tubbing, garage sale, help you move, need a tire changed, just won the lotto...well...hmmm...maybe...I digress, anyway, plan to meet in a public place first, you know, where there are other people around. And NO this does not count as an orgy no matter what you tell your friends.


As promised to some - here's the long version:

Moved here from Austin about 5 1/2 years ago and so far this city BLOWS! (And I’m not talking about the windy days.) **DANGER** Heavy sarcasm ahead! If you can't handle humor then read no more...

I appreciate honesty, and a good sense of humor...and...NO I'm not some bitter hostile person!! I am, however, somewhat, hmmm, well maybe a wee little bit sarcastic. Okay?

So, what am I looking for in the type of person I might be interested in meeting? Mostly someone to hang out with in this one horse town. But, men that can remember their name AND their birthday have always impressed me. Knowing your address and phone number is strictly bonus point material. Social Security Number off the top of your head? Well, I see a big Carnival Cruise prize in your future! But, seriously though – enough of an education to hold a conversation beyond your immediate profession (or at least know how to talk outside of ESPN – Oooo yea, the comatose and inept need not apply!), professionals (translation you have a job, and you go there when you're supposed to, Monday's and Friday's are not optional sick days no matter what the guy in the mail room told you.) You know. The ‘normal’ stuff. Well, normal is relative but, you get the drift.

Me personally? Well, I multitask professionally and personally. I'm a circus freak when it comes to keeping details and conversations flowing simultaneously. I'm a marvel to some, and a complete frustration to others. I'm sarcastic (yea, I know, it shocks me too.) I tend to be impetuous (but in a *really good way*...uh-huh...) Physique? 5'9'' Curvy...but proportionate. I don't feel a need to wear large paper bags as head-gear. Nor do I need to visit the local tent maker for my wardrobe. If you missed that 5'9" thingy that means I'm a tall Texas girl. I like taller (tallish?) men. Not that vertically challenged isn't okay, just a preference. No girl likes to feel like an Amazon Queen or WNBA player on a first date.

My schedule is nuts. I'm a chef - that means I play with knives and fire all day (way more fun than running with scissors) work with a bunch of boys throwing raunching insults at each other and a$$ slapping when *appropriate* which is all up in the air as to when is it really not an HR concern. I work evenings, weekends, holidays, etc. I DO have a life here and there. But, people get frustrated trying to pin me down. Sorry! I'm worth it though! :)

No bad karma, baggage, or otherwise here!! I appreciate people who are honesty, have the ability to communicate openly (I'm the kind of person you can tell anything to and not shock me but, I expect the same in return.)

I also tend to prefer men who are clean shaven. Again, not an absolute, just a preference. I've seen some guys that look okay with goatees but only if they're VERY neatly kept. That haphazard "Hey! Check me out! I can grow hair on places of my face!" thing really loses its appeal somewhere. Then there are the Grizzly Adams guys, do they not look in the mirror?! God please help them! Of course, I've also known some women who would benefit from a serious relationship with a sharp razor or at the very least a good set of tweezers or electrolysis...of course, that's all together a different issue. BTW I gave up facial hair awhile ago. Too much upkeep.

I’m really looking to make some new friends and find some sort of groove and some normal people just to hang out with. But, ultimately on both the ‘friend’ and the ‘more serious’ relationship category I tend to hope for relationships that don’t end with police involvement. That's just such a hassle. ;)

Okay, so the offspring issue. Always a little delicate. I do have a child who has asked to remain anonymous here. Speaking of which, my child rarely (if ever) meets anyone I socialize with. Not looking for a 'Father figure' here. If you're in the market for an insta-family I can't help you out. I’ve just seen too many little kids screwed up by their parents dating decisions. I don’t think it’s fair to the kids.

I’m trying to find some non-flakes in this city preferably people with a strong sense of self. No huge hang-ups or baggage (if you’ve recently dreamed, or thought seriously, about running your ex-wife’s trailer over with a semi truck you should probably move on.) I haven't done the on-line dating thing in a while due to career and time constraints but, I've been finding myself hanging out a lot at fun places either with strangers or people I would really rather not socialize with. Maybe we can grab a beer play some pool and chat.

If you've gotten this far...you desperately need a life...or hopefully you were enjoying adult beverages while reading this novella.

First date is usually at one of my favorite drinking holes playing NTN trivia and then some pool. Unless you have some place you're happier in. Nothing fancy. Just hanging out talking and doing the kick the tires thing.