When a crowd of people gather up real fast, I generally hang back to see if they dropped any cash. I tell awesome jokes according to me and I think everything is a numbers game... Which sucks 'cuz I hate math... I generally just measure things by the number of atomic bombs it's equal to. And on the subject of nuclear fission, I consider myself a rebel because I disobey the laws of thermodynamics by being both hot and cool at the same time.

I like to decode stuff even when nuthins encoded into it. Like I'm still trying to figure out who's winning the human race. I used to not believe in aliens, but now I'm pretty sure they exist... It'll be a cold day in hell before I type "LOL" in a conversation... Sometimes I throw punches when no one's around and a psychic once told me I was psychic. And every night before I go to sleep I check under my bed for Henry Kissinger. (Just between you and me, sometimes when I walk around with headphones, I get real intense because I imagine I have my own theme music.)

I think the Drop Kick Murphy's wrote the song "Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced" about me exclusively and I generally try not to do what people want me to do when they want me to do it... Partly cuz I'm lazy, but mostly cuz I don't want 'em getting spoiled. Though I do like to help people when I can... If they're not a weenus.

I put my pants on BOTH legs at a time & the "Renaissance Festival" episode of Family Guy is my definition of genius.

Bowling, dueling piano bar, sushi, concerts, winner takes all illegal underground caged deathmatch... I like keeping it casual. And be warned, I might print out your pics and if you've squashed or stretched them in Photoshop, I'm gonna point out your LIES.