One ventures into the realm of online dating and thinks to himself "self... what could be further from reality than online dating?”, but does it really matter? This atmosphere is too much fun!

I'm house-broken, good with children, get along with other animals, am all up-to-date on my shots, non-shedding, and hypoallergenic. I don't bark OR bite, am fiercely loyal and altruistic to a fault, and love a good frolic in the park. I also catch a mean ball or frisbee but haven't mastered the whole teeth thing yet. ;-) Did I mention I smell good too?

Putting the comical honesty aside for a moment, let's get down to the nitty gritty of why you came here. I'm a fun-loving, spontaneous, introverted extrovert; a walking contradiction. I'm the guy your mom wants you to meet from her business luncheon, but the one your father fears. Small children and animals are comfortable around me, yet I’m man enough to run with the big dogs. I am a confident, grounded man who knows what he wants in life, in most aspects, and I am well on my way to achieving said success. Passion for life and eternal optimism are the driving forces in my life; my cup isn't half full... it spilleth over.

I am a foodie. One glance at my incongruous gut would likely entice a belly laugh of your own followed by a teemingly sarcastic "really?!". I crave new experiences but my kids are killing me slowly, bit by bit, with their incessant demands for McDonald's drive-thru. Oi vey. When I'm not scoping new restaurants, which I'll admit does not actually take up that much of my time, I enjoy being outdoors, swimming, play structures with the kidlets, motorcycles, travel to faraway places, and the uncharacteristic home renovations and decor. The generic cliche interests also apply to this cat, with writing, reading and arithmetic being atop the list, although I do little of either three. Movies are a private vice of mine though, and my collection is spewing over the brim. Can I interest you in some second-hand, third-party, out-of-province chick flicks?

And now for an brief intermission before the headline act...

The Pope has one but he does not use it,
Your father has one but your mother uses it,
Nuns do not need or use one,
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one,
but Michael J. Fox's is really small.
What is it?

The woman I am looking for is wildly intellectual but brazenly sexy, compassionate, quietly outgoing but not a social butterfly, and lacks trepidation. She should be curious, inquisitive, and demure; a woman who knows no boundaries, yet does not know just how brilliant or attractive a person, in every facet, she truly is. She should be ambitious, headstrong, witty, and open-minded; a refined woman who also holds the ability to laugh at the crudest of toilet humour and enjoy a quiet night in with some homemade pizza, wings, caesar salad, and red wine. But most importantly, she is not necessarily all of these things but any solid combination of the lot. Let's face it, the best smoothies are not those made with all the fruits of the forest but a choice selection. Which two or three berries would you be?

In addition, she should be someone who is independent and driven by success but willing to stop and smell the roses along the way. She will likely know what she wants out of life, as well as a potential relationship, and is not afraid to reach out and seize it. Commitment or affection do not frighten her, and she is confident in her trust in others. And most importantly she has got room in her life for one more... and at some point three.

Care to join me on my journey? The cockpit is rather shoddy but the ride might be worth the price of admission.

I was thinking we could play a little game of chance here and roll dice to decide on date ideas; one is for afternoon dates and the other more suited to dusk. Here are the available options:

Afternoon Date Option #1
You, me, a bottle of Shiraz, a blanket, some fresh fruit and cheeses, and an open space at Assiniboine Park. I'll bring a bag full of outdoor goodies like frisbees, football, and bocce and you bring a source of entertainment, be it an IPod with a set of speakers, a boombox, or a mandolin-strumming mime. Bonus points if you can rope a dude with a set of bagpipes into coming!

Evening Date Option #1
We meet at the Forks where we grab a latte from a vendor in the concourse and wander through the merchants looking for quirky trinkets. You tell me stories and I laugh at your jokes, then we switch! We proceed over to the Esplanade Riel where we grab an order of Dipping Dots from the lone classy Salisbury House in the world, and sit out on the patio overlooking the river while some Jazz band plays in the background. I like to start with dessert and work backwards; it's more fun. We'll walk to Hu's on First, grab some fine Asian fusion cuisine, and then after we finish our salads and bread we can skip down to the salsa bar a few blocks down where you can teach me to salsa. You CAN salsa right? Me neither! I warn you though… I cut a mean rug but I tend to use the wrong tools.

The night is capped by a coffee from yet another vendor and maybe some street meat, and I'll hold your hand and offer my jacket while we wait for the cab back to our cars. I'll be a dork and avoid the kiss and you'll plant one on me anyway, playing right into my master plan, and we'll suggest simultaneously that we should do this again. Is it wrong for a 28-year-old to jinx others still?

I've avoided the other five options for either period. Why? Because the die is loaded my friend. Thank goodness for Spencer gifts, as this character always wins now! For dates 2-6 you'll just have to tune in my new lady friend.