In 4000 BC, I single-handedly built the pyramids out of paper mache.

In 1000 BC, I invented the time-machine and fought the future overlord Gax the Conqueror.

In 3 AD, I turned dogs and cats against each other.

In 563 AD, I re-invented fire with 0 calories.

In 923 AD, I cured cancer.

In 924 AD, I uncured cancer.

In 1245 AD, I killed the last remaining dinosaur with a stick.

In 1554 AD, I made an electrified-flying machine.

In 1773 AD, I re-cured cancer again, then, proceeded the uncure it once more for money.

In 1801 AD, I taught the world to love again.

In 1845 AD, I invented Canada.

In 1978 AD, I created the first big hair band.

In 1981 AD, I invented the word "awesome", as tribute to myself. You can thank me for it later.

In 1993 AD, I began wearing purple pants.

Somewhere between then and now, I applied, and got into Guelph.

Sometime in the next 30 years, I'll create Skynet and bring upon the end of mankind.

I am Will Smith in disguise.

I enjoy long walks on the beach. When I say long walks on the beach, I mean LONG walks on the beach. I've met people through these services who CLAIM to like long walks on the beach. But we'll be out there barely an hour before they start in with "I'm tired" and "don't you think it's time we head back?"

Bring a tent!

(haha just kidding. Joke taken from xkcd)