Attention K-Mart shoppers
(and women with Pirate or deep sea fishing fetishes) !! We have a blue light special at the back of our store. Up for grabs, to the highest, most seXy, desirable, demure, intelligent, sweet, bidder who is willing to dress up like a pirate is of course one fine, cute, sexy, handsome, funny, intelligent *lets see, what else????* HOTT!! pirate
(Captn of course) with the BIGGEST set of... BLUE EYES you have ever seen. LoL, you thought I was gonna say something else didn't ya... You thought I was gonna say biggest set of "BICEPS" or "ANCHORS", didn't ya? You have a dirty mind, seek help now! Oh, did I say he was funny?
This is a limited time offer, going fast to the highest, most seXy, sweetest, bidder, who wouldn't mind sticking her tongue in my ear and speaking dirty words like "recycled plastics", "green house gases", "garbage dump" etc... those words really turn me on!
(void where prohibited by law ...and in Arkansas as well ...where pretty much nothing is illegal ...or at least it should have been before the genetic code of half the population got screwed up. Ever seen the movie deliverance????? ....yup, you know what I'm saying!!) Anyhoo, I am available to the most beautiful, intelligent, sexy, demure, delightful, seXy, charismatic, loving woman on planet earth and I am, at least in my opinion, all the things which were just listed and so much more
(I said seXy twice didn't I, that's cause I'm twice as seXy as the law legally allows :P) I am looking for an intelligent, seXy, HONEST, conservative, respectful "EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE" woman to make me feel good about myself and allow me to love her like no one else in the world can or will on a daily basis.
Hows that for seXy? It working yet?? :P In return she will get cramps in her toes
(because they are always curling when she's around me silly!). Angry, man eating, Amazon women looking for a chew toy need not apply ...as this is one pure loving honest faithful soul that cannot be broken by your evil, heartless, man eating ways
(Yes I'm sweet enough to give you tooth decay, but that doesn't give you permission to barbecue me!!) Ok ..I'll accept applications from Amazon women(actually the taller the better *wink wink*), I can just stand on a stack of dictionaries when we kiss ...and boy can I ever kiss!! I'll curl your toes all the way up to your knee caps! :P
(see previous paragraph) However, if you choose to make this purchase, I must warn you the right woman, who ever she is, will not be overwhelmed by this man nope, nope, nope, nope, nope ... she will be
"SWEPT OFF HER FEET"and will have constant feelings of giddiness followed by moments of utter breathlessness and cramps in her toes
(see previous two paragraph's) ....Especially around her single friends who haven't had a date in 8-12 months or so when she finally tells them she's moving on in her life with the man of her dreams who has the biggest set of "BLUE EYES" who is "TOTALLY KISSABLE" has a "BIG ANCHOR", and they will have to remain lonely old "SPINSTERS" for the REST OF THEIR NATURAL LIVES!! haha ....Oh come on, admit it, you wanna rub it in sooo bad, don't you??? :P
If you experience these feelings for more than twelve hours after we "hook-up"
(as the young-uns and land-lubbers call it these days) don't bother to see your doctor or a pharmacist
(I got all the medicine you're gonna need, he he), just stick your tongue in my ear and whisper a few dirty words ...you will instantaneously be cured and your toes will begin to curl and you will finally know what it feels like to be a real WOMAN!! ...or not :P Curious enough to say hi yet??
ZOMG this has got to be the cheesiest profile ever!! I gotta quit---->
...I still can't believe there are other people who like farting in the bath tub as well. There's like 5 of us on here, maybe I can start a support group or something.
P.S. If you are thinking about contacting me and you are a little shy or hesitant about it, don't be. You never know what might happen. No one is beneath me, I'm definitely not like that at all. Even if things didn't work out, I'd always love to have a new friend! :)
Not to sure really.... it would be fun though, definitely spontaneous. Maybe I would just slip a Goldfish down her blouse while she wasn't watching and watch her laugh and squirm around a lot while trying to get the goldfish out and punch me at the same time ...that's always so much fun! More fun for me than for her anyway, especially the retrieval part ...I can deal with the bruises :P
So, there's this pirate ship in the midst of a long voyage. The men have grown terribly bored. A pirate amongst them happens to know a bunch of magic tricks, and he decides to put on a magic show. His parrot, however, is quite gossipy and can't keep it's mouth shut.
The pirate begins his first trick, and tha parrot gives it away by saying "rawwk, the coin is in the other hand, rawwk!"
Frustrated, the pirate tries another trick, but again, the parrot gives it away by blurting out "rawwk, look under the table, rawwk!"
This goes on for some time, to a point that the pirate can't manage to perform anything spectacular to entertain the crew. His anger towards his blabbermouth parrot eventually grows so phenomenal that one night he gets very drunk and accidentally crashes the ship into some rocks.
Sobering up the next morning, he finds himself adrift on some wreckage. The parrot, ever the attentive sidekick, happens to land next to him looking quite puzzled. It says to him:
"Rawwk, Okay, I give up, What'd ya do with the boat?"
A pirate had a parrot that wouldn't stop swearing. He tried everything. Finally one day, when the parrot started swearing, he threw it into the freezer and left it there for over an hour.
Finally, the pirate retrieved his parrot from the freezer. The parrot came out, shaken, and said "I promise, I'll be good from now on. But, I have just one question... What did the turkey do?????"
Just a reminder: Arrrrgh, i be acceptin donations for a new parrrrrrot. In this recent economic downturn, diggin fer booty just hasn't been payin as well and i had ta be eatin poor polly last week. Thank ya'll all fer yerrrrrr support, remember be given till it be hurrrrrrrrrtin ya ....yo ho ho ho it be a pirates (errrrrr i mean an AIG bankers) life fer me!!
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