Seeking Partner In Crime (Literally)

Hi there. I am seeking a partner in crime. I would like to start a Bonnie and Clyde style gang of two. I am bored with relationships between people who want to grow and learn about each other. I want trouble. I am seeking a girl who wants to give up her good ways and get into petty theft to start. Then we could advance to some minor train heists (I have this idea of jumping one of those trains as it passes over the hike/bike trail down town). It would be one heck of a caper. I am also curious about racketeering though I do not really know what it is. Later we can get into grand theft auto, arson and a variety of other felonious activities. I have even selected a name for our bad-ass gang: "The Baddies!" Perhaps there are some crimes that you could teach me about (of which I have not thought). Hopefully our relationship will be addictive and destructive to both of us, replete with plenty of tears and trouble. As for what type of criminal girl I seek... well obviously I would be the mastermind since this is all my idea. So I would need you to be younger than me (age 22 to 30) hot, brunette or a dirty blonde, disobedient enough for me to put you back into your place. You should be a hellion. Also, we will have all our sex in the back of cars, against brick walls behind bars and generally in any and all unplanned inappropriate places, so you need to wear things that are easily opened , hiked up or pulled down by me. I will take you whenever and however I feel is inspiring at any given moment. Since you are my sidekick, I may want you to wear a special outfit, maybe something with stiletto heals and a top that makes your breasts look pointy and dangerous (if you are flat, that's cool too, we can aim for the heroin waif look - I like that too). So you will have to be in shape and hopefully you smoke cigarettes and not weed (weed is a sleepy drug and that won't work for me when I need you to keep the car engine running after I knock off a bank).

Also, I need you to be educated. I want people to say that the Baddies are a tough gang of misfits, but they sure are articulate and well-educated. Rest assured, while you look messy hot in your pointy-tit outfit, I will be wearing a suit for most of our crime sprees. I want us to stand out from the non-nonchalant sloppy dress styles of Austin. We are the Baddies. Also, I'd like my gang name to be Frankie. So you should practice screaming things like "Frankie, no Frankie. Don't do it Frankie. They'll kill you Frankie!" and once in a while, "Run Frankie, run!" Like when the cops are on to us. When you have presented yourself to me, I will give you a name. Chances are I will name you Tessa. That's a good crime-girlfriend name. Like all crime masterminds, I am not tall and I don't give a sh*tif you want a tall man. I am 5ft8 155 pounds with a shaved head. So if you think you have what it takes to start a life of crime, please write me and include your photo, age and height/weight.

In general I am attracted to in-shape, balanced, articulate women.

My interest list depicts a relatively round view of ideas that describe and inspire me. If anything on my list or of I've said resonates with you, feel free to write and tell me about it. Tell me what inspires you and makes you tick.

I'll add some basic disclaimers of what I am not into: fan mentality, loud places, nationalism, religions, political anger (left, right or center), fatalism, proselytism, solipsism, or any 'ism' whose application creates duality and separateness.

For a first date I will pull up to your parents' house on my motorcycle (even though you don't live with them anymore, I insist on picking you up there). I won't get off the bike. I will just sit there beeping the horn until I annoy the neighbors and your parents peek through the curtains to see the cause of the disturbance. As soon as they are looking, I will flick my cigarette out into your mom's tulip garden (I don't smoke, but I will do it for the gang). Then you will run out of the house all dressed up. I will look at you up and down and say, "you look clean. get on." You will get on the back, scared, nervous.

I will then rev my engine and screech away at just enough speed to mess up your hair. I will take you to a drive up malt shop and park.

"I'll have a burger, no tomatoes, no ketchup. You will have a salad," I say.

"But wait, I think they will come to us to take the order. And I don't want a salad," you say in protest.

I say, "This is not a discussion."

You grumble as you dismount the bike and walk to get our orders. When you return you see me talking to some girl who is hotter than you. You are holding the food.

"Get on," I say as I start the engine.
"But what about the food?" You ask, confused.
I turn my head and stare at you like you really should have caught on by now.

You drop the food and get on the bike.

We then ride out to some field where I lay you down and we start out future together.