Ever have those days where looking for that special someone feels like an episode of the X-files or myth busters? While I am trekking around Denver looking for “her”, Moulder and Scully are looking for Big Foot, and Myth Busters is doing a show on the Bermuda Triangle. Some days I think that Moulder might find Big Foot first! Then on top of that, we have the digital age killing off the art of communication. Do you remember the Dear John letter? I think ole John has been replaced by a quick txt, facebook status update or just the cold shoulder. I know we all wish we could go to a store an order up our perfect someone, lol. Ask the sales guy, ya, I would like a five foot seven blond, could I get the bi-polar on the side? Could you also drop a little bedroom whore into her, my last model was a bit prude. But alas, we have to do it the new fashion way, on the net! How come when I do a search on like match, all the profiles that come up are phuking spammers? Well, not all, but a good chunk of them. Hell even on here, you read through ads and you think you might have a real person. You sit down, and try to come up with some catchy enough to get her attention, but not too enthusiastic or she will think you are a creep. You write, the best email of your life! You got some good jokes, you hit on some good common points you might have based on her writings and then you hit send. Five seconds later a reply… Horny drunk girls are waiting for you, just click this free link to hook up with a hottie near you tonight. And so, you start to feel a little let down. I mean, they could have at least sent you a pic of these women, lol. The humanity gets striped from you, like your pants, when you were a freshmen in front of that really hot cheerleader.

Ok, time to move on to something a little less depressing. Although with the storm front that has just moved on, that may be hard to do. I already miss the sun. So, a little a bout me… I am single, been that way for about 3 years now. I have never been married, I have no kids, no pets, no skiing equipment. I once had a lime green moped, it was called “the Mantis” or as I know refer to it, the dignity vampire. I have never owned or driven a motorcycle, but would love to. I am not a dancer, my rhythm can best be described as non-existent. So, good news, I am not a clubber, in fact, I am not even sure I would have clothes cool enough to go clubbing in. I can cook, I like to cook. Last night for dinner, I had some cream of mushroom soup. I sautéed some mushrooms up in a separate pan, finished them off with burning some rum on them, placed them in the soup and it was magical. I also have a dish where I get a thick chicken breast, stuff it with cheese and lobster and it is like a food orgasm. I love Mexican food and I will order 2-3 entrée every time I go out to eat. I never finish it all, but I like to taste everything, so I get a few combos and indulge myself. Don’t really watch a lot of TV, Law and order reruns, al though on the scyfy channel is the 31 days of Halloween right now, so there are some good movies going on every night. Love scary movies, not to be confused with movies full of gore, for the sake of gore. Saw 1-6 , not my flavor, Friday the 13th 1-what ever they are at now, HIT ME UP! Zombie movies! If I could find a woman that loved zombie movies then she would be a Queen in my eyes. She would get what ever she wanted! I am not a fitness guru or anything like that. I have great metabolism and a lot of walking and bike riding. I do not lift, but my arms might tell a different story. I do not do ab workouts, and my tummy will back that one up, lol. But, I still wear a size 32 waist from high school, so I guess I am doing ok. I love to go to Dave and Busters! I will often times give all my tickets to some little kid who is not having much luck, and man do their eyes light up! I do like kids, and they usually like me. They see me as a five foot eight jungle gym. If you have ever seen the old SNL with Chevy Chase doing Gerald Ford, that is me. If I think someone is having a bad day or just needs a laugh, I will walk into a door, I will trip over something ridiculous or scream like a chic at an invisible spider. I do rely on Christmas to get cool clothes, along with no rhythm, I also have no sense of fashion. I do have an extra dose of romantic though, so it balances out.

Ok, so about my physical stuff, did the five –eight thing, somewhat muscular. Light brown hair, hazel eyes, lips that beg to be kissed and soft hands, but in a manly way damn it. I believe right around 170 lb, but I am not a compulsive scale finder. I work in an office near Boulder, but live down by Wash park. I sit on my ass for 8 hours a day on a phone. You would be amazed how many women call a sex line during the day! Just ask for Rico baby, lol. My mom and sister live out in Vegas, and brother who lives in NC, but is currently in Afghan for his 5th tour and my dad lives down in Gunnison. Where I went to school, where I did not learn how to ski. But I sure do sled like a pro!

What am I looking for? A friend asked me, what if she was cute, and crazy? My reply was simple, eloquent and something like this: All women are crazy, all men are crazy. Its more about finding what kind of crazy goes best with your crazy. Like pairing food and wine, lol. A cab might have one hell of a label, you might love the cab, but it will never go with halibut. So, I guess I am looking for my kind of crazy. I really dig a great butt. Seriously, if you walk in front of me with some tight jeans on, I would do anything. What’s that, Hulk Hogan called you a priss, I am gonna go kick his ass! I just hope you visit me in the hospital. I guess my crazy reads this and is laughing her ass off right now, in the tight jeans of course. And I will warn you, I am a physical guy. I am a PDA machine and if you want a guy who won’t touch you, best be movin on outa here. I think the chemistry and the physical connection are huge! Sure, tequila is fun to drink, but it should not be a replacement for foreplay. I am not one of those hard bodies, and I don’t expect you to be, but you do have to be in enough shape to go indoor rock climbing or paintball one time a year, at least. Of course, hard bodies are encouraged ?

In the end, all we want is love, it worth more then money, worth more then fame, more then an aston martin. We want to fight like crazy then have mind numbing make up sex. Some one you can be with for 65-75 years, sitting on the porch on the house you bought together, old and wrinkly and smelly, looking into each others milky white cataract filled eyes, can't even remember each others name. Is that really too much to ask for?

Wow, this got long, but I had a lot to say, and I hope I was able to give you a good insight as to who I am, and what makes me tic.

A bottle of wine in Wash Park? Light dinner and lots of conversation? Who knows, we might just find a reason to not go home!