Looking to meet new people, and hopefully catch up with a few old ones. Get in touch if you fancy a few laughs, anyway. Nice nutters are always welcome, but sense of humour is a must!

OK, I'm the multi-billionaire **stard son of a Patagonian Llama, and an Albanian Mountain Yak. I live in a cave on the outskirts of London, and eat nothing but egg fu yung, and mung beans.

My favourite activities are playing knock and run, bungee-free bungee jumping, and swimming the Atlantic Ocean in winter. I am a fully licenced astronaut (class IIa - with sidecar and stabilisers attatched), and fully qualified woman.

Other hobbies include armed bank robbery, bus surfing, and playing catch with hand grenades.

My best friends are a talking land fish with a 50cc engine fitted, and a blue/grey carpet tile, who just looks at me in a strange Mexican accent!

I am currently riding a mono wheeled motorcycle upside-down on my roof, wearing a purple spandex cat suit, and Bridgestone tyres, and looking forward to my next vacation to the A&E department, for a few weeks sunbathing, lounging by the cess pool, drinking meths and cola!

I have recently been sen on TV in BBC's Eastenders, where I played the part of Peggy Mitchell's wig, although I have previously appeared as Dot Cotton's fag and curlers, and most famously as the bullet that killed Dirty Den! I am currently appearing in pantomime as Dale Winton's codpiece in Cinderella at Fairfield Halls, Croydon. It's not a huge part, but better than being unemployed like the thing I hold in place!

If you fancy the sound of my hectic lifestyle, and like tangerine children and fudge (not at the same time, of course! That's just ridiculous!!!), then please get in touch, as my dishwasher's broken!

Oh My God!!! I've just realised that as I have a thing for women, that I am also a lesbian! I'm off to the local hippy shop to buy a rainbow jumper and some dungarees! Anyone know where the nearest Womens' Peace Camp is, as I need to munch a rug!

Oh, one last thing, if you put a pic up with more than one person in it, I'm gonna have to assume you're the short, fat, ugly one who's hiding somewhere at the back! I mean, I could put a pic of myself standing next to Brad Pitt, but it'll only make me look even uglier than I already am! Come on, go stand next to some bloody ugly sod, if you wanna look like you have mates! At least they'll make you look better!

I might actually put a serious-ish profile on here soon, as I've not had too many replies!Those that have replied though. THANK YOU. It proves that not everyone's a gold-digger, or too damn serious! lol

Is it just me, or do women seem to think a pictures of themselves half slaughtered, with a glass or bottle in their hand makes them look attractive?

If that's the case, i'll have to dig out some old pics or me rat-arsed, and hugging a lamp-post with my trousers 'round my ankles, or maybe just passed out in the gutter! WOO HOO! lol

CHECK OUT MY TEENAGE YEARS ON FACEBOOK @
http://www.facebook.com//photo.php?pid=2933980&id=838797067#/group.php?gid=192558243959

LATEST UPDATE!!! - I AM CURRENTLY RECRUITING PRE-MENSTRUAL WOMEN FOR MY NEXT BLAG!!!
I'LL BE DRIVING, AND YOU CAN GO IN WITH YOUR HANDBAGS! NOBODY'S GONNA MESS WITH YOU!

NEW UPDATE!!! - I'VE FINALLY FOUND A PURPOSE IN LIFE, AND MY NEW AMBITION IS TO BE IN THE SUGABABES!

(NOT ALL OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME OBVIOUSLY, AS THAT'D BE DISGUSTING, BUT ONE AT A TIME!!!)*

*PLEASE NOTE, THAT THIS IS NOT A SERIOUS COMMENT, BUT JUST A JOKE, AS I WOULDN'T SAY I'D FANCY ANY OF THEM, AND WISH THEM ALL THE BEST! OK, NOW BREATHE, AND RELAX!

Just meet up, for a chat and few laughs, and see how it goes.... Unless you've got a Space Shuttle we can use to go to the Moon? Or maybe bus-surfing?

If you fancy real spontainaity, we could always rob a bank, then go for lunch!

Oh, and I'm as thick as two short planks, so if you would like to discuss literature, I've seen all the pictures in the Mr Men books! x

Or as a real alternative, we could meet up for a drink, get drunk, do the your place or mine bit, meet each others dysfunctional families, get married, have kids, have a row, get divorced, give everything to solicitors, and come back to POF again, and live unhappily ever after! Then decide we'd have been better off being gay!