Introduction: My name is Jay and dating is serious business.

I am a semi-retired child actor and have six US patents to my name -- including the world's only wristwatch-controlled bluetooth mp3 device. I consider myself successful, but I'm not a big jerk about it or anything. I'm a real down to earth guy and a genuine A+ citizen. Even though I'm an independent 24-year-old male with an apartment of my own, I still believe in maintaining a healthy platonic relationship with my non-divorced heterosexual parents and I make a point to visit at least once a week to help them program their TiVo.

I am a real competitor with an explosive new brain that loves a good challenge. Losing is not an option, so don't even think about it. I know I don't. I've traveled the world, across five continents, and the many stamps in my passport are extremely impressive. I live the popular young active outdoor lifestyle and am especially passionate about swimming, rowing, diving, boating or anything else that involves water or deck shoes. I love to fly airplanes and ride horses. I drive a turbocharged German station wagon because it is fast and I like the way it looks. Sometimes I volunteer with animals and retarded kids.

Credentials: Private pilot's license, PADI-certified scuba diver, black belt, Screen Actors Guild, SCCA, Skip Barber graduate, great hair, protestant, vasectomy, no family history of mental illness. Up to date on all vaccinations (H1N1 included). Circumcised, solid credit score. Boom! Pretty much a grand slam.

Relationship Philosophy: As previously stated in my intro, dating is serious business and, after enduring numerous setbacks and disappointments, I've emerged a wiser, stronger and more focused lover. I've ripened my mind-grapes in the bitter syrup of heartbreak and failure and ultimately found the Truth in perpetual honest introspection. The Truth: I am an adult. I make decisive moves and bold decisions. I don't apologize for partying. I don't date my co-workers, crazy middle easterners, my friends' little sisters, or the handicapped. No amount of the so-called "make-up sex" is worth the frustration of non-stop fighting and I will not hesitate to remove you and all your belongings from my home. Being alone is always better than settling for mediocrity, bi-polar disorder and bad teeth.

Dating Criteria: I am looking for an attractive girl. Allow me to repeat myself so there is zero confusion here. Attractive. And definitely a girl. Redhead, preferably. However it is possible for a border-line attractive girl to earn points towards minimum dating eligibility by displaying an extra special talent or skill set. Sailing skills, preferably. Also, must love my miniature poodle and be able to operate a manual transmission automobile. But really attractiveness is paramount. I can't seem to stress this enough. Pretty much a deal-breaker for me. I look great naked. If you're ugly, fix it. The products are out there. It's not that I'm so picky, but I've seen the hogs on this website and most are not fit to skin, let alone date. It puts the lotion in the basket and it stops emailing me.

Of course remember that when I say "fit to date," I actually mean date. Dinner is always involved and you will never be allowed to drive. If you play your cards right and are healthy and down for the screwing, I might even take you back to my parents' seven-bathroom home and slowly sex you on my childhood bunk beds while maintaining intense yet non-threatening eye contact. I'm on the Zoloft so it usually takes a very very long time.

Heads up: I like to choke. Go Sox.

The location of your piercings and the significance of your tattoo(s) are of zero interest to me and if you attempt to mention either and spoil our super-romantic first date, I will unleash an unstoppable storm of physical violence upon your weaker female body. Yes, I know karate and, yes, this is a written threat. I've been to jail.

***New Rules: First date is on me. You're welcome. I'm a gentleman like that. But separate checks for all subsequent meals until you put out. I'm serious. No exceptions***