This profile is really long because I like women with a decent attention span, who love to read and possess a good sense of humour. If you're just going to scan it and give up because it's too long, then you probably don't think I'm cute enough to spend that sort of time learning about me. Carry on if that's the case. =)


I know what I want, I just don't think it exists.

I'm not laid back.

I'm not easy going.

I'm shallow.

I'm too straight up for my own good.

My humour is most times woefully inappropriate.

Unlike most of the rest of the human race, I will admit I'm a hypocrite.

Intentional ignorance, caps lock, flakiness and brussel sprouts annoy me more than anything else. Horses and whales are up there too (hence my not messaging the girl with her riding a horse in a swimming pool as her main profile pic...that's just gross...can you imagine what the bottom of that fücking pool looks like?). Oh yeah and women who say they know what they want and really don't are also quite the annoyance.

I don't like that I'm hearing a lot of guys take a non-response on POF personally and send off a vitriolic second message. Thanks for scaring the ladies away guys -- as if most of them aren't hesitant enough about the online thing in the first place, you choose this tactic? Seriously, thanks douchebags.

*** The Fine Print ***

Please...

- if you're going to write me and use "lol" a lot, type "u" instead of "you", substitute "z" for "s" (e.g., howz it going?) or use caps lock for entire sentences (one/two word emphasis is ok), be super good looking or I'm not going to be able to see past that ok? =P
- do not write me if you don't have a picture or do have huge fake knockers or actually refer to them as knockers
- don't write me if you think the Merritt country festival thing is a good time or you call people "hon" or "hun" -- we're already so wrong for each other
- don't pick your nose when you're in your car - we can all see you
- if you put "Prefer not to say" beside "Do you have children?", just change it to "Yes"...I mean come on, they're your children.
- if I write you and you're not interested, simply delete the email. Leaving it in your inbox because you don't want to hurt my feelings when I see it was deleted is silly. I'm a big boy and can handle rejection...heck, isn't rejection kind of a big part of dating anyway?

That is all.


***NOTE***

What you read above was actually posted as my entire profile for a while as a joke to see what kind of reaction I'd get. Yeah, uh...it didn't go over too well. Apparently POF women actually LIKE reading the same old bullshît sales pitch (laid back, blah de blah) and not many have a sense of humour. Boo ladies. Boo.
However, if you're one of the few who did laugh at the above read on...it just gets better!

Ok, first things first. My real name is not Jimmy, nor is it Thrills. It was a nickname foist upon me by some co-workers at a studio I worked at back in '99. It kind of stuck. Also POF seems to want to keep me at 38 (I've tried changing it, and even written POF an email, honest). This would be fine really, but I'm actually 39.

It would be nice to meet someone articulate, intelligent, fit, attractive and fun; someone who will want our silences to be comfortable, her walks long and her kisses even longer (provided it gets that far). Can you tell I'm a romantic? I know, :gag: hey? But it's the truth and I'm ok with it. I'm looking for great conversations with someone who is loving, responsible, loyal and respectful. That last sentence is there to tell you that I'm looking for someone who can not only tell me they're present for me but is prepared to prove it to me with their actions. I've met my share of women who like to talk about romance but simply aren't available for it and that's not for me.

I'm fit and enjoy being outside as much as I can since my job requires being indoors so any chance to hit the seawall or get on the bike (or whatever else strikes my/our fancy) would definitely be a bonus.

I'm not one who enjoys sitting in front of a computer IMing or chatting when getting to know someone -- that bores me quickly...I'd rather sit face to face over a drink or go for a walk so that we're really getting to know each other instead of simply how well we can spell and what our favourite emoticons are. Digital chat is so one dimensional and I much prefer getting to know not just what one has to say, but all the nuances involved in how they say it.

I guess I'm looking for someone who, like me, has their life more or less together and is perhaps missing/yearning for that someone to come along and share the triumphs and pitfalls that life has to offer. Someone who won't make fun of the fact that my british accent comes back after I've had a few drinks and someone who'll tell me when I have something in my teeth, my fly is down or I have toilet paper stuck to my shoe. Someone who's not looking for macho bullshît really.

I have a rather non-politically correct, dark sense of humour so please have a sense of humour yourself or, at the very least, be able to tolerate mine ;)

Still reading? Sound like you? Were you smiling and/or chuckling over bits of my profile? Drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you.

J

First dates are gay.
First meetings are acceptable but mostly awkward unless it's business.

So...
Let's pretend we're meeting over business where the attraction is absolutely bananas but our bosses and colleagues are watching -- this is a presentation after all. There's nothing we can do but take care of catching the furtive glances tossed in our direction and fret about whether the ones we're replying with are being accepted for what they are.

Ok we don't actually have to do that. Perhaps a walk or a drink in a place where the music doesn't drown out conversation?