Welcome to the wonderful world of online dating, more fun than a lab rat in a Cuisinart!

I decided it was time again to update the old profile. I am now divorced! So no more questions on the whole “Separated” thing. Online dating is more entertaining than any reality show. Why? Because YOU ARE IN IT! I have had more blind dates than Stevie Wonder and have been turned down more than Ted Kennedy at last call on St. Patrick’s day. Dating, or relationships in general are all about chemistry. And I am not just talking about C2H5OH, although that does help in some cases. (I’m guessing that I just lost about 90% of you on that last one, I’ll give a hint.. C2H5OH = Alcohol, If you get lost open Google in another window and Google all the things that don’t make sense.) I’m a half bubble off of center, but you have to be to survive life sometimes. Humor is a very important part of my life, without humor you are a very, very dull person. So class, if you don’t have a good sense of humor, we won’t get along. You don’t have to be totally crazy, or appreciate that I have written twisted tunes that have been produced by 98Rock but it does help.

Live in the moment, even the worst of dates can be the best of times. So you meet someone who is not Fabio, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t fun. Have a drink, chat a little, watch the people around you and enjoy yourself!!!! If you sit there like a bump on a log because you thought that you were going to meet your prince charming and he wasn’t what you expected you have done a wonderful job of wasting everyone’s time with a less than desirable evening. Any time I go out I have fun; You are more than welcome to join in my little reindeer games and have fun also. I encourage it! Life is too short to be miserable and I do not tolerate those who feel it is their life’s ambition is to make those around them miserable. That brings me to my next little belief. If you look at the cup as half empty, we won’t get along. I do my best to wake up every morning with a positive attitude. The cup is never half empty! It just hasn’t reached its full potential yet. And while we are on the subject of potential, I learned a long time ago not to judge people. If you are one that looks at someone and pre-judges them because of their color, education, language, or any other outward trait we may not be a good fit.

I have a daughter, she is the primary focus of my attention and I have her MOST OF THE TIME. We are a package deal. If you don’t want kids, but don’t mind kids, that is OK. If you don’t like kids, move on. If you have kids, or want to have (more) kids that is fine also. I love my daughter and have no issues in having more kids (WITH THE RIGHT PERSON) but that isn’t in the game plan right now. I also have two Dachshunds, Ludwig and Beatrix. I love animals, I’m not a hunter, but reserve the right to change that stance in the event of a total collapse of our government. I am extremely domesticated. I own my own house, cook (very well), clean, know how to operate an iron and do this all while raising my daughter, two dogs, and a full time job. It comes with being a parent. If cleaning your cats litter-box is too big of a chore for you then long term we may not work well together. While only mildly OCD, I do keep a very clean house. (Spices are arranged in alphabetical order, how else would you arrange them?)

Honesty, I am a very “What you see is what you get person”. I work out, but I don’t work out every day. Could I stand to lose a couple pounds? Couldn’t we all? For the most part I am a very fit and trim 225 pounds. And on a 6’3” frame it suits me just fine. If you are looking for washboard abs, look for a 25 year old that lives in the gym and doesn’t have a career. If you are looking for a big teddy bear that you feel safe and secure in his arms then you found the right guy. I am bald or follically challenged or whatever you want to call it. To combat Mother Nature not wanting me to have hair I shave my head. So if you are looking for locks like Fabio so you can run your fingers through them, you’ll have to settle for the hair on my back (Just kidding). Expectations vs. Reality is something very important to me. If you say you are 5’6” and average, that is what I expect. If I meet you and you are 5’3” in all directions, there has been a honesty problem, and not just with me, with yourself. While there are no set guidelines on shape/size/weight, you must be honest with yourself.

I am well read, "et tu brute" and well traveled. I work hard and play hard. You only get one shot at life and you will regret more the things that you have not done than the things that you have. I try to make at least one person laugh a day. I listen well and can communicate, but it takes two for either to be effective. Stupid people annoy me, lazy people are even worse. I'm a big guy, but not fat. More of a tight-end than a lineman. RAVENS! or Football in general. Racing cars, having fun, sitting on the floor playing the guitar for my daughter. People watching = fun, dumb people watching = more fun. Standup comedian when I need to be, diplomat when I want. Very affectionate and open minded. If you don't like being touched, you won't like me. If you don't like being touched in public, don't reply. Who knows, the future is what you make it, make it a good one.

What am I looking for? I am looking for someone who can melt me with their eyes, who looks at me like I am the only person in the world. Someone who can get dirty with me out in the yard, then come inside and clean up for a night out on the town. Someone with lips that entice and appreciate a good kisser. Someone who sees me for who I am and not what I have. Someone who (with me) creates a stable foundation for a relationship. A couple of things that I know are turn-ons, but not necessarily requirements. Short hair, pretty smile, nice teeth, nice smell, fit, big eyes, kind heart, spiritually sound (not necessarily religious). I am one of those guys that will txt you in the middle of the day for no reason other than to let you know I was thinking of you. I am committed to a relationship and I expect the same from my mate.

Lastly, if you have issues with men who: (We may not be a good match)
Hold the door for you
Pay for dinner when we go out
Pull out your chair
Tell you how they really feel
Tell you what they are really thinking
Show emotion when required
Can communicate in a language other than grunts
Work for a living
DO NOT / HAVE NOT EVER DONE DRUGS

If you have made it this far into my profile then I commend you. Drop me a line, I promise to return all emails no matter how crazy or if we aren’t a good fit because it is the proper thing to do. I wish everyone happy fishing!

Let's not make this too complicated. Take it for what it is and just go with the flow. Laugh together, smiles together, get to know each other. BE YOURSELF!!!!! If you are attracted to the other person, SAY IT! If it isn't a good fit, SAY IT! Go out, have fun and if it is a hit, then wow, we got lucky.